Glenn Beck, the Donald, and Mr. Potato Head

Separated at birth?

My pseudouncle sent me a link to a site where Glenn Beck, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Potato Head, is quoted as essentially encouraging parents to physically rough up their children as a way to teach them to believe in God and to teach them to be tougher. The only consolation is that anyone who takes Glenn Beck seriously is probably such a wack job that he or she is more than likely already engaging in such barbaric practices.

One of Donald Trump's favorite enterprises, the Miss Universe corporate entity, has stirred up recent controversy. The reigning Miss Universe, former Miss Rhode Island Olivia Culpo, has been charged with some form of indecency for posing with shoes or some similar iniquity at the Taj Mahal. (It seems that every news article about the incident reports it differently.) If India were not such a misogynistic nation, it would leave the poor young woman alone and charge, if it needed to charge anyone, the people responsible for carrying out the photo shoot or, for that matter, Mr. Trump himself. Pick on someone your own size, Hindustan.

Whatever crime it is with which Miss Culpo has been charged supposedly carries and up to two-year prison sentence. I doubt any women's prison in India is exactly Camp Cupcake. With the frequency of rape even on the streets of India, and with the light sentences for the small minority of rapes that are actually prosecuted in the country, it's not much of a stretch to think that any woman incarcerated in an Indian prison is in grave danger of being sexually assaulted by male prison officials. This is a nation that doesn't take significant measures to protect women from bride burning, sometimes even for the reason that their new husbands are unsatisfied with their dowries.

If it were I who was charged with such a crime in India, I could simply not go back if I were fortunate enough to have left India before being formally charged. Miss Culpo, however, has a greater quandary. She is, after all, Miss Universe, with a contract full of obligations to fulfill. Idiot Donald Trump can force her to go just about anywhere until the terms of her contract expire. If she chooses not to accede to his travel itinerary, she could conceivably face major domestic litigation. If she travels anywhere else, she could face deportation and possibly incarceration in India.

I didn't even know who was the current Miss Universe until this non-scandal hit the news. My mom told me that when she [my mom] was a very young child, normal people used to actually watch the Miss Universe pageant on live television. It's difficult to believe the Miss Universe pageant was ever relevant. I wouldn't have a clue when or where to find it on TV without googling.

India needs to worry a little more about the corrupt activities of its politicians and leave poor 21-year-old olivia Culpo alone. If someone absolutely must be charged with desecrating a sacred site or whatever offense this heinous government is attempting to pin on Miss Culpo, it needs to start at the top of the Miss Universe pageant corporate ladder instead of harassing the unfortunate woman who was doing as she was told to do by her bosses.

Savage misogynists, take a page out of Jocelyn Elders' handbook and screw yourselves!

This blog is ended. Go now in peace to love and serve the Lord and to keep your shoes away from the Taj Mahal and keep your children away from Glenn Beck and his maniacal child-rearing advice.