Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Headaches, New Cousins, and Associated Bullshit

me right now except that she doesn't look much like me

One of our lecture sessions today (technically yesterday, but Wednesday hasn't yet begun in my world because I haven't gone to bed yet) focused on the topic of headaches. This was most ironic for me, as I was at the same time experiencing the mother of all headaches. Having to listen to the pathological causes of headaches while laboring in vain not to toss the contents of my stomach was most interesting. I did manage to hurl into trash cans outside the lecture hall, which was a moral victory of sorts.

So far I've been fighting the headache with over-the-counter and homeopathic remedies and with acupressure. The score thus far is headache: 3, Over-the-Counter and Homeopathic Remedies and Acupressure: 0I will soon throw in the towel on Tuesday and go to bed. If the headache is still with me when I arise, i will resort to more potent drugs. There are five MDs living within one-hundred yards of me. I've babysat the children of three of the MDs (free of charge, no less), and I've dated the fourth. (The fifth one probably couldn't pick me out of a police line-up, so I won't solicit drugs from her.) The drugs are as good as in my hand. If I had a known or suspected chemical or psychological dependency, the doctors living around me might not be so quick to hand them out, but I don't,  so they will be.

I'm a cousin again for roughly the ninetieth time. I should know the exact count, but I confess to not keeping a running tally in my head. This is quite likely my final first cousin, as my dad's sister Cristelle, the only aunt still realistically young enough to safely produce children, has called a moratorium on childbirth after just two babies. The newest cousin is from an aunt who is forty-four. The child, or so we've been told anyway, does not have Down Syndrome.   This baby has not yet been named. I'll share the name with you as soon as I'm informed of it.

In an earlier blog I shared the names of my cousins on my dad's side. As you probably surmised, in the interest of anonymity, I changed the names of most of my cousins. I left a few intact, but I created most of the names based on the style the parents used for their children's actual names. If alliteration was a theme employed by parents, I chose another letter for the same alliterative effect. If church history was a prevailing theme, I switched to similar names prominent in LDS history. If a continent was used as a name, I substituted another continent, and if the child with a continent for a first name had a dessert for a middle name, I substituted another dessert.  I think you probably understand my code. 

Tomorrow I have no classes and Matthew has only one. i took all of my scholarly concentration courses in the two preceding quarters. Matthew has only one of his scholarly concentration courses remaining. Most of our cohort mates are burdened with two our three of the electives. It was a major pain in the glutes to have taken them earlier, but tomorrow I'll be studying in bed if my headache has gone away, and I'll be sleeping off whatever drug I've taken to combat the headache if the headache has chosen to stick around for another day. Either choice is preferable to once again dragging myself to class and tossing my cookies into trash receptacles. Being future-oriented does occasionally have its benefits.

P.S. I texted the MD I used to date to tell him I had a killer headache. He's dropping off a prescription for migraine-specific meds along with a script for Vitamin V (which can no longer be phoned in) at the local 24-hour pharmacy in a few minutes so that he can go to sleep when he gets off his 36-hour shift without being woken up by me. One should not really want any prescription for a drug that may be needed ASAP to be buried under all the others that were faxed in, anyway. 


  1. It's handy to have doctors as friends. I hope you're feeling better soon. Congrats on becoming a cousin again. I have twenty-two cousins, twenty-one of which are on my dad's side and one on my mom's. Now some of my cousins once removed are starting to have kids. I feel old and spinstery. No wonder I'm so snarky, sarcastic, and condescending.

    1. I still don't think you're condescending. I'm snarky and sarcastic as well on days when I have my mojo.

      My uncle Steve' kids have fifty bazllion cousins on our side of the family but zero on their mom's side. That always blows me away. Their mom -- my aunt Heather -- has a brother and a sister, but neither one has kids.

      I need to count my cousins sometime soon.

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