One can all it insomnia. Maybe inquietude sounds more profound. Perhaps it's simply nighttime restlessness. However one describes it, I look and feel like the "before" half of a Lunesta commercial. I need to be asleep now because I was awake late last night, and I must be up reasonably early in the morning for a full day of activity.
I'm tired; that's not the issue. The problems is just that sleep won't come though my body and my mind both know I need to be asleep. I think I'm harboring fears of the dorm though God knows I'm old enough to be there. I just don't want to be. but if I don't spend at least half my nights there, how can I be prepared to be in an apartment all by myself next year?
I'm not doing the Craig's list thing for next year for a roommate even if I'm lucky enough to end up with a fellow medical student. While having another body there could be comforting in some ways, I can't know this person before I move in with her. How can I know she won't duplicate the key to the front door and give a copy to every guy she knows? I cannot deal with a roommate and her boyfriend du jour having loud, passionate coitus that I have to listen to through parchment-thin walls. My second year, once I've had a chance to get to know some of the others, a roommate might be an option, but for the first year, I can't know anyone well enough to trust her or him (I'm told some of the best roommates are males) well enough to share an apartment. Most med schools have student apartments in the vicinity. Residents have first choice, but then med school students have a crack at what's left over. Some schools give priority in order of class, while others give priority to groups of two. Others couldn't care less as long as a person comes up with a deposit and first and last month's rent. In general, it's to the school's benefit not to favor groups of two, because utilities are generally included in rent, and one person uses less water and power than do two.
Perhaps it's immaturity on my part, and it's not as though I'll never encounter it in the dorms, but the idea that one roommate is paying rent, but another one is showing up to spend the night on a regular basis for free, messing the place up but not cleaning up after himself, using the bathroom when I might like to be using it, and then causing me to have to scrub the tub anytime I want to take a bath because I don't want to soak in all the filth of civilization from some male I barely know. (Chances are that I'd scrub it after my female roomie used it as well, but that's just one person after whom I'd have to scrub, and she at least would have paid for the privilege of using the shower/tub combo.)
I could get lucky and get a Mormon girl for a roomie, but not many of them go to med school, and even if they do, they're probably already married. I could get a Seventh-Day Adventist roomie as well, but most of them go to Loma Linda, and I'm not even applying there.
I'm lucky in that I haven't yet touched my college money --even the part my parents have saved for me -- and will still have some of my original college scholarship money as well. I also have money my Godparents have put away for me. I also have a job offer for once I've finished with my violin recital that will pay about $20.00 an hour, which I will probably take. All of this combined gives me the luxury of not needing to have a roommate. Once I've spent a year at the school and have gotten to know people, there's probably not a great reason to find someone with whom I can live compatibly, but for the first year, I need to be in the apartment alone.
A positive aspect to living in med school and resident quarters is that relatively few axe murders happen on the premises. Also, I should get to know neighbors fairly quickly, as we all have something in common regardless of our stage on the road to MD and board certification in a specialty. I can clue them in to thugs who could conceivably be on the lookout for me. There won't be an alarm system, but the university probably wouldn't have a problem with my Godfather having one installed.
All of those things, however, are just reasons why I need to be in an apartment, and most likely by myself next year. The reality for now is that I'm moving into the dorms as preparation for living in an apartment. My Uncle Michael and my Uncle Scott have both offered to come and get me at any time of the night if I'm too afraid or too embarrassed to drive to my parents' home if I'm scared or uncomfortable during the night. My parents say I can come home any time and at any hour. (They say that, but I'm not sure how thrilled they'll be after the tenth night or so of my actually doing it.) The reality of the dorms is creeping closer and closer.
We had to fill out questionnaires. The primary purpose was to ensure, as much as possible, compatibility between roommates, which I will not have, but I filled one out because there are situations I'd rather not have in the rooms on either side of me. I don't particularly care what goes on across the hall unless it's too loudly pornographic. My primary issue is that I do not want to hear the sounds of sex at night when I need to sleep. In the daytime I can crank up the music or find somewhere else to study or practice. At night, options are more limited, plus I need to sleep, not study or practice for the most part.
It's a terribly rude thing to do to a roommate, anyway. Most students other than frat rats and their ilk wouldn't have sex with a third party in the room, or at least I'd like to think that they wouldn't, but someone might hang something on the door as a sign for a few hours of privacy (which is asking an awful lot after 11:00 p.m.), but there will be other nights when the roommates may be elsewhere for the night, and the lovers have privacy. My mom said if anyone on either side of me is rude enough to have sex loudly enough that I can actually hear what's going on, I should pull out my violin and play the most loudly obnoxious music I can think of. If others complain and the senior resident shows up, I'll just explain that I was drowning out sex. Sex really isn't supposed to happen in the dorms, but it's overlooked as long as it doesn't get out of hand.
If others will be discreet so that I don't have to know everything from their preferred positions to just what sounds they make immediately preceding the big O, I can deal with it. I'll also try headphones, but I'm not sure I can easily grow accustomed to the pressure on my ears to the extent that I can actually sleep with the things on my head.
Anyway, I think it is my concerns about the living in dorm and even the future apartment situation, which is a whole year away, that are keeping me awake. I wish I could wish the worries away, but it's not so simple. I wonder if one of my many doctor relatives would cough up a Lunesta prescription. It might make getting up in the morning a bit more difficult, but I can shower in the evening, and my earliest class, which I only have one day a week, is at 9:00. Other classes don't begin until 9:30 or 10:00.
It's funny, but I never really thought of a violin as being a weapon, but against people who have loud and crude sex while others are trying to sleep, it might prove to be an exceptionally good defensive or offensive tactic.