back in the dorm but not yet sleeping well

This is the sort of thing I'm dreading.

I came back to the dorms last night. I went home to practice for about five hours in the early afternoon, then came back on campus in time for dinner. My mom has a real thing about wanting me to eat either at home or in the cafeterias. She says that my uncle is spending so much for my meal ticket at school that it's a complete waste for me to survive on fast food. She says she understands why my friends and I might occasionally want to go out, but that dorm food is much better than it used to be, and that until I get food poisoning from something they serve me here, at which point we'll revisit the issue, she wants me eating in one of the cafeterias here (we have several from which to choose). She said that I'm more than welcome to eat anything at home or to take food from home with me. She just doesn't want me single-handedly keeping the fast-food industry here in business.

This upcoming weekend I was going to be inviting the floor plus anyone who hangs out on our floor enough to see the posted signs to come to my house to have dinner and ice cream and to watch a movie. No one seems to be going home yet this weekend, but some are the next weekend. My mom suggested it might be better to wait until the next weekend because homesickness is more likely to hit on a weekend when a lot of people are going home, and that though it will be a smaller gathering, it will do more good for the people who do come. She said I can have an all-out bash with everyone later, like maybe right after my concert or perhaps even sooner.

She said she remembers feeling really down the first weekend that almost everyone but she went home for the weekend. Her dad lived in Nebraska at the time and her older sister was in Vegas with her husband, and she had nowhere to visit. I'm lucky in that regard. There's probably always someone here who is either genuine family or like family that I can visit.

I have two more days of new classes this week, at which point I will have been to every class at least once. I think I'm delaying The Big Push until the weekend of the 17th. It will actually start on the evening of the 16th this quarter, as I have no Friday classes, and should be my shortest Big Push ever.
I may be able to cover it in five days, as several of my classes involve more practical work than reading, writing, or other forms of projects. Since most of my memorization for my Englih Practicum is already done, it's mainly the Anglo-Irish literature and the History of Mexico over which I must toil. I have a few small writings and readings for conducting, accompanying, and vocal/instrumental coaching, but those are very minor compared to that to which I've grown accustomed. I've already read all the course reading material for those classes. If you have basic theory down pat and you have a bit of common sense, and you have the skill to manage the practical exams or evaluations, you're fine in those areas. I'm not taking anything for granted.

I hope the poor piano and violin students who ended up with me as an instructor really want to learn to play the piano or violin, because they're going to learn whether they want to or not. Mine are all music majors, so they really shouldn't want a poor letter grade in a music course on their transcripts. My students will be evaluated by faculty in the department. I receive my grade before I have to give theirs. If I don't get an A because of any one of them, there's no way the person who robbed me of an A is getting anything better than a C. The evaluators are relatively lenient, and the students have to log in practice time with a department receptionist and have to practice in the music department's practice rooms for it to count toward their required practice time. If they haven't logged in the required time, it isn't held against the student instructors, and the students themselves automatcally receive between a C and an F unless they freaking blow the faculty member away with their proficiency. One of my students already knows how to play the piano and just is taking the course to prepare to pass the piano proficiency exams, so that one is already in the bag for me, as there are no pre-tests.) I can be a little more laid back in the vocal coaching. It's all freshman and sophomore voice majors I'm coaching, and they're all motivated and well instructed, as they all either have my mom or one other vocal professor who's really good. The vocalists evaluate me in addition to my evaluating them, so I need to be really nice. I'll be nice to my piano and violin students as well, but they WILL learn to play piano or violin at least to a minimal degree.

I haven't yet mastered the art of falling asleep easily in the dorms. I'm almost desperate enough to try headphones. My room doesn't have the flashing lights if an alarm goes off (some of the more recently updated rooms do)so I'll need to ask my neighbors to pound on the walls if there's an alarm. I could get in serious trouble if I were caught staying in my room during one of the burnt popcorm-induced drills, or God forbid if it were an actual fire. I need to ensure that there is a plan in place if the headphones, if they're not too uncomfortable, actually block sound to the degree that I could sleep through an alarm.

this blog is ended. Go now in peace to love and serve the Lord and to find the perfect balance between alrms that block out ordinary dorm noise and those that endager you in the case of fires.

Second Night in the Big House

This is the piano motif sofa that I have in my dorm room. I think I showed the one in my room at home already. It's shaped differently -- the back curves up. I think this one is more comfortable. I'll see if I can find the picture I have of the one I have at home.

Here's the one in my room at home. It's more for appearance than comfort,
though it's nor THAT uncomfortable.


Even though I have no classes tomorrow, I'm staying tonight in the dorms just because I'm not going to get to know anyone if I'm here one day and gone the next on a regular basis. (My mom said she was proud of me for being a big girl and staying in the dorm tonight even though I don't really need to. Will these people ever figure out that I've grown up?)Once I've established something resembling a peer group, it will be less a big deal to slip out mid-week and spend a night at home, or to spend Thursday nights in the comfort of my room at home since I have no classes on Friday. For the next few weeks I'll probably spend Thursday nights in the dorm.

The movie we watched last night was Serial Buddies. I admit that it was mildly funny. No one in the group I was with last night is watching anything tonight because of homework concerns. No one wants to get off to a bad start, and I think they're wise to feel that way. I jutst had my two lit classes today. I already did about a third of the reading I'll need to do for Anglo-Irish lit, as I was very productive today. The other class was the independent study class where we regurgitate literature verbatim. I wrote out several hundred lines of poetry. It's undecided as to whehter we will write the lines of poetry and prose for exams or will be provided computers for the task. We obviously can't use our own laptops, as it would be too easy to store volumes of literature in one's laptop and just pull it up for the exam. I personally don't care one way or another whether or not we are provided computers for the exams. As long as we're all working under the same conditions, it's a level playing field.

I did neglect practice a bit, though. I got in two hours on violin and one on the digital piano in my room. I didn't make it home to practice, and I won't practice in the music department's practice rooms because I don't want to give any secrets away. I will need to be diligent in my practice this weekend. The only time anyone will hear me in the music building is if they bother to show up for my 7:00 a.m. Wednesday lesson and lurk outside in the hallway. I chose that time for that deliberate purpose. I would never schedule a class for that time, but I'm never going to no-show a professor for a one-on-one lesson. Then I'll have two more classes that morning and be finished for the day. My schedule this quarter is optimal for lots of practice time.

My Aunt (not real aunt) Ilianna brough several dozen cookies to the dorm today. She was hovering over Jillian, who has been sick, and Scott told her she needed to go home and bake cookies for kids in the dorms because some of them are homesick, and cookies make homesick kids feel better. I put left them in two tupperware containers in separate locations with a sign that anyone could help himself or herself. They didn't last long. Maybe Scott is right that cookies help homesick kids, or maybe the boys were just hungry.

Next weekend or the weekend after that, depending upo what's good for my parents, I may invite a large group of people (my floor of the dorm and the boys who hang around on my floor, and pretty much anyone else who wants to come; I'll just post signs and announce that there can't be booze at the party because my parents will drive them back to the dorms if they're drinking or drunk; they can save that for the party AFTER the party to come for my house to swim, since the pool is still heated, and to watch a movie. We'll order pizza unless one of my parents offers to cook or barbecue. The nice thing about having ut away so much of my eanings in high school is that I can afoord on rare occasions to spring for pizza for a mid-sized to large group. My parents would probably end up paying for it anyway.

I watched the Daily Show and Colbert with a couple of kids who came into my room. Almost everyone has a TV, but my room has more comfortable seating space. I have the small musical sofa, the extra bed that pulls out, a beanbag chair (dated but comfy) and a rug. I can accommodate a decent sized roup. They do have to learn not to be pigs in terms of their eating habits in my room, as I have a healthy aversion to both roaches and rodents.

This blog is ended. Go now in peace to love and serve the Lord and to work on any piggish eating habits you may have inadvertently developed.

The Violin as a Weapon

One can all it insomnia. Maybe inquietude sounds more profound. Perhaps it's simply nighttime restlessness. However one describes it, I look and feel like the "before" half of a Lunesta commercial. I need to be asleep now because I was awake late last night, and I must be up reasonably early in the morning for a full day of activity.

I'm tired; that's not the issue. The problems is just that sleep won't come though my body and my mind both know I need to be asleep. I think I'm harboring fears of the dorm though God knows I'm old enough to be there. I just don't want to be. but if I don't spend at least half my nights there, how can I be prepared to be in an apartment all by myself next year?

I'm not doing the Craig's list thing for next year for a roommate even if I'm lucky enough to end up with a fellow medical student. While having another body there could be comforting in some ways, I can't know this person before I move in with her. How can I know she won't duplicate the key to the front door and give a copy to every guy she knows? I cannot deal with a roommate and her boyfriend du jour having loud, passionate coitus that I have to listen to through parchment-thin walls. My second year, once I've had a chance to get to know some of the others, a roommate might be an option, but for the first year, I can't know anyone well enough to trust her or him (I'm told some of the best roommates are males) well enough to share an apartment. Most med schools have student apartments in the vicinity. Residents have first choice, but then med school students have a crack at what's left over. Some schools give priority in order of class, while others give priority to groups of two. Others couldn't care less as long as a person comes up with a deposit and first and last month's rent. In general, it's to the school's benefit not to favor groups of two, because utilities are generally included in rent, and one person uses less water and power than do two.

Perhaps it's immaturity on my part, and it's not as though I'll never encounter it in the dorms, but the idea that one roommate is paying rent, but another one is showing up to spend the night on a regular basis for free, messing the place up but not cleaning up after himself, using the bathroom when I might like to be using it, and then causing me to have to scrub the tub anytime I want to take a bath because I don't want to soak in all the filth of civilization from some male I barely know. (Chances are that I'd scrub it after my female roomie used it as well, but that's just one person after whom I'd have to scrub, and she at least would have paid for the privilege of using the shower/tub combo.)

I could get lucky and get a Mormon girl for a roomie, but not many of them go to med school, and even if they do, they're probably already married. I could get a Seventh-Day Adventist roomie as well, but most of them go to Loma Linda, and I'm not even applying there.

I'm lucky in that I haven't yet touched my college money --even the part my parents have saved for me -- and will still have some of my original college scholarship money as well. I also have money my Godparents have put away for me. I also have a job offer for once I've finished with my violin recital that will pay about $20.00 an hour, which I will probably take. All of this combined gives me the luxury of not needing to have a roommate. Once I've spent a year at the school and have gotten to know people, there's probably not a great reason to find someone with whom I can live compatibly, but for the first year, I need to be in the apartment alone.

A positive aspect to living in med school and resident quarters is that relatively few axe murders happen on the premises. Also, I should get to know neighbors fairly quickly, as we all have something in common regardless of our stage on the road to MD and board certification in a specialty. I can clue them in to thugs who could conceivably be on the lookout for me. There won't be an alarm system, but the university probably wouldn't have a problem with my Godfather having one installed.

All of those things, however, are just reasons why I need to be in an apartment, and most likely by myself next year. The reality for now is that I'm moving into the dorms as preparation for living in an apartment. My Uncle Michael and my Uncle Scott have both offered to come and get me at any time of the night if I'm too afraid or too embarrassed to drive to my parents' home if I'm scared or uncomfortable during the night. My parents say I can come home any time and at any hour. (They say that, but I'm not sure how thrilled they'll be after the tenth night or so of my actually doing it.) The reality of the dorms is creeping closer and closer.

We had to fill out questionnaires. The primary purpose was to ensure, as much as possible, compatibility between roommates, which I will not have, but I filled one out because there are situations I'd rather not have in the rooms on either side of me. I don't particularly care what goes on across the hall unless it's too loudly pornographic. My primary issue is that I do not want to hear the sounds of sex at night when I need to sleep. In the daytime I can crank up the music or find somewhere else to study or practice. At night, options are more limited, plus I need to sleep, not study or practice for the most part.

It's a terribly rude thing to do to a roommate, anyway. Most students other than frat rats and their ilk wouldn't have sex with a third party in the room, or at least I'd like to think that they wouldn't, but someone might hang something on the door as a sign for a few hours of privacy (which is asking an awful lot after 11:00 p.m.), but there will be other nights when the roommates may be elsewhere for the night, and the lovers have privacy. My mom said if anyone on either side of me is rude enough to have sex loudly enough that I can actually hear what's going on, I should pull out my violin and play the most loudly obnoxious music I can think of. If others complain and the senior resident shows up, I'll just explain that I was drowning out sex. Sex really isn't supposed to happen in the dorms, but it's overlooked as long as it doesn't get out of hand.

If others will be discreet so that I don't have to know everything from their preferred positions to just what sounds they make immediately preceding the big O, I can deal with it. I'll also try headphones, but I'm not sure I can easily grow accustomed to the pressure on my ears to the extent that I can actually sleep with the things on my head.

Anyway, I think it is my concerns about the living in dorm and even the future apartment situation, which is a whole year away, that are keeping me awake. I wish I could wish the worries away, but it's not so simple. I wonder if one of my many doctor relatives would cough up a Lunesta prescription. It might make getting up in the morning a bit more difficult, but I can shower in the evening, and my earliest class, which I only have one day a week, is at 9:00. Other classes don't begin until 9:30 or 10:00.

It's funny, but I never really thought of a violin as being a weapon, but against people who have loud and crude sex while others are trying to sleep, it might prove to be an exceptionally good defensive or offensive tactic.