I was speaking on the phone this evening with the boy who had my name tattooed on his arm in order to avoid serving an LDS mission. As I was explaining to him my nervousness related to my "physics of Fractures" final exam, (keeping in mind that the toughest course he's taking this quarter is microbiology), he told me that with my intellect, I cannot be truly feeling anxiety over the content of the course in relation to the final exam. He said my problem is really repressed sexuality, i.e. sexual frustration, masking itself as uneasiness or a sense of foreboding concerning the final test in my toughest course. I told him he is so full of bullshit that it positively hurts and that he will have to come up with a more innovative line than that if he expects ever to hit anything past a single off me, much less get me to the boinking stage. He said that he would be a fool not to at least try. We ended the conversation there, as I had a call from my Strings professor coming in as I was speaking with Mr. Tattoo.
It occurred to me that if I was getting such a slimy presentation from someone who so recently was officially a good Mormon boy (he can't have learned it all in the relatively brief interval since he desecrated his body with my name unless he had a really good teacher, and my brother, who would have been the logical choice to have coached him in the techniques of hitting on girls, certainly would not have fed him such lines, since he would have known that they were to be used in attempt to lure his twin sister into the sack).
As a postscript in text form, I told the guy, Jared, that he needs to finish law school, medical school, dental school, optometry school, an MBA program, or, at the very least, mortician school or clown school before I would even entertain such a discussion with him, and even then I offered no guarantees as to conjugal privileges. His texted response was that my standards are ridiculously high.
Is there any limit to the lengths to which guys will go to get as far as they can with girls? Is it depravity, or is it normal eighteen-year-old male hormones doing what they do best? My brother may very well behave this way when in pursuit of what every guy his age apparently wants, but I've certainly never seen that side of him. For that matter, for the most part he was pursued in high school far more than he was the one in pursuit, and keeping his ERA as low as possible while his team scored runs was, as far as we in the family knew, more important than the magic score of the other variety. Then again, we in the family may have been quite naive concerning both Matthew's priorities and his purity. Who the hell knows other than Matthew himself? He's a red-blooded American boy.
I just didn't think Jared could transform so fast from someone committed to sexual purity until marriage into someone who makes shamefully lame attempts to get the goods from a girl. Perhaps the sexual purity thing was nothing more than an act in the first place. Maybe Mormon boys are just as horny as any other eighteen-year-old males. They either just hide it better or deal with it in different ways.
I'm clueless in this regard. I admit it. Regardless, I'm not putting away my textbooks because I fall for the idea that relieving sexual tension will get me the "A" I desperately need in "Physics of Fractures."
It probably never occurred to your sexually charged friend that there are other ways to relieve sexual tension that don't involve another person... But, being LDS, I'm sure he's been trained not to consider that option.
ReplyDeleteYeah. Ihear they're grilled about it in intrviews. I assume the biys who are interviewed fall into two categories: thoe who are told to repent before they may serve missions, and those who lie about their familiarity with their "little factories."
ReplyDeleteI once heard my dad telling my brother something I was not supposed to hear, which was that there are two kinds of males: those who masturbate, and those who lie about it when they say they don't.
If God wanted us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
ReplyDeleteThat makes perfect sense. In the case of dwarves (not politically correct, I know; they call themselves "little people) there may be a serious and compelling reason why they should not pengage in the practice.
DeleteBTW... I like the song.
ReplyDeleteI recently read an entire blog series written by a Mormon mommy blogger about pornography addiction. It was quite interesting, actually.
ReplyDeletecjanekendrick(DOT)com/search?q=porn
Thought you might find it interesting, too...
I read cjane every now and then. I didn't cacth her blog on porn. I'll have to check it out. Most Mormons go overboard in terms of loathing of porn. With the men, sometimes I think they doth protest too much and if one could examine their computer hard drives, one might be surpriised at what one would find. With the woemn, I think many are secretly afraid their husbands are looking at it.
ReplyDeletefor a Mormon momy blogger, CJane is a little more sensible than most, although she's still leaves no doubt that she's a Mormon mommy. I'll have to look at the blog.