Friday, June 15, 2012

Relatives -- NOT the Good Kind -- Are Here

They're not my sick cousin's parents, but an aunt and uncle. They're also my aunt and uncle. They're among the group that hates me, but they were not directly involved in the situation that resulted in my being left in a smoke-filled room when I had a broken leg and a broken clavicle and a kidney infection. Anyway, these people called our home this morning and indicated they were in the area to visit my cousin but needed a place to stay overnight. Then they proceeded to visit my cousin for less than ten minutes. The truth of the matter was that they were planning to be in the area long before they learned of my cousin's plight. No one complained on my cousin's behalf about the length of their visit because anyone as sick as he is couldn't tolerate a much longer visit from them.

This particular aunt and uncle are among the biggest free-loaders on the planet. if you've read many of my posts, you might remember that I have an uncle who's a thief. i don't know whether he posses kleptomaniacal tendencies or if he simply steals for financial gain, but my suspicion is the latter. You may recall that he was arrested a year or so ago for stealing a carton of disposable douches from behind a big box store. He doesn't restrict his stealing to businesses. He  stole all the toothpaste from our home two years ago. he's also stolen toilet paper, condiments, paper towels, and more stuff than I can recall from my family alone over the years. Only God knows the sum of the merchandise he's stolen.

My mom took the call from them. If my dad had answered the phone, he said, he would have given them directions to the nearest Motel 6. We had about an hour from the time they called until they actually appeared. this gave us at least some time to hide our most valuable possessions. my dad set the alarm so that my uncle can't sneak out of the house to his car during the night with a few loads of loot he collected from around the house.he'll still take what he can stuff in his suitcase and conceal on his body, but that's a fraction of what he would purloin if he had unrestricted in/out access while we were sleeping.

Because this aunt and uncle despise me, my parents are allowing me to stay in my room with the door locked until my aunt and uncle leave. Some people might think this would be a problem, but those people haven't seen my room. In the room I have a mini-bar (no alcohol, of course, but it does have a mini-fridge and a microwave), a plasma screen TV/DVD player of maybe 45 inches, a computer, a baby grand piano (which I already had; it wasn't bought for the room), a digital piano keyboard, my land line phone, my cell phone, my violin, and all my books. My mom brought food to me. i didn't really want company because I was out with friends all day, so I was in my happy place. my brother came home and soon decided to join me inside my locked room, so i had company whether i wanted it or not. my aunt and uncle give him the willies just as much as the give them to me. i don't know about Matthew, but I'm staying here until they leave tomorrow. we have real locks -- not the kind you can unlock with a paper clip -- on our bedroom doors. My parents have keys to our doors, but my uncle can't get in,  so we're safe in here, and Matthew's possessions are secure in his room.

this, too, shall pass.


  1. For some reason, whenever you talk about this specific uncle, I think of Cousin Eddie, in National Lampoon's "Christmas Vacation". I don't know why exactly... but, I do.

  2. Your parents are very forgiving. I would not let thieves into my house, family or no.
    I hope you guys get through this with minimal losses. :)
    Rebecca, that made me laugh, sounds like it to me too.

  3. This uncle is a Utah version of Cousin Eddie.