Monday, June 25, 2012

Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life [sounds of projectile vomiting]

I don't know why the title of this entry popped into my head. It's one of my least favorite phrases of all time. My mom says when she was little, even before the Wheaties commercial (or whatever other cereal that used it for financial gain), T-shirts, greeting cards, and other various venues sported the hackneyed saying. It's good that I was not alive then, because I probably would have burned or at least spat upon anything bearing the Mr. Obvious proverb.

That covers my spiritually uplifting moment of the day. Moving on to more pertinent matters, I am no longer incarcerated, having been sprung from the joint approximately twenty-six hours, thirty-nine minutes, and twelve seconds ago. Shortly after I arrived hime, my dad gave me an injection of Dilaudid and anti-emetics because I was in pain and nauseous. Duh! Am I competing for the title of Ms. Obvious, or what? Even though I despise injections, the dual-purpose cocktail certainly hit the spot. I departed from The State of Consciousness within ten minutes of having been injected, and didn't wake up until about forty minutes ago. I now vaguely understand why it is that people wish to continue living. I can't go anywhere or do anything yet, and even if I could, I would have only one arm, one good kidney, and no  lower midsection worth having with which to do it. This is a temporary condition, though. I will get better and I Shall Return. Do I get extra credit in the Ms. Obvious competition for quoting General MacArthur?


In the event that you know where I live and are an opiate fiend, I should also clue you in to the fact that narcotics aren't normally stored in my house, and never in large quantities. My dad brought home what he thought he might need to get me through my first twenty-four hours outside the pokey.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WE RETURN TO REGULAR PROGRAMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother's date with the girl who crashed her car into my mom's car while I was driving went well. The prospective lovebirds have a second outing planned for later this week. I sincerely hope the girl doesn't put out on the second date because I will have neither the desire nor the energy to have The Contraception Talk with my brother before the next date happens.

Tomorrow is the second day in the rest of your life. Get over it.



  1. Things can only go up from here? Hopefully?? Feel better! :)

  2. PS: If your brother and his new female friend do work out a long term relationship and are still together 10-20 years from now, that love story will rival Judge Alex and his wife's love story. Talk about running in to love...

  3. Even though they're just 17, I can see them ending up together. time will teel. my brother would have been happier all along if i had been picking his dates for him. I know which ones he thinks he likes and which ones are actually a good match.

    I'm feeling a little better, though i still look like he!!.