Saturday, June 9, 2012

LDS Missionary Has Escaped AND Top Ten Most Disgusting Diseases

My cousin -- the one who was serving an LDS mission -- has been sprung. He's in a hospital not far from here. He had what appears to have been a serious bacterial infection in his colon and is scheduled to have an especially diseased section of his colon removed. The possibility exists that he will require a colostomy, but if so, it will be temporary. Still I hope he doesn't have to have one.

My cousin's illness brought to mind the topic of illnesses and diseases in general, and caused to me to ponder the topic in depth. Hence I have created a list of what I've entitled "The Ten Most Disgusting Diseases." The definition of  "disgusting" as pertaining to disease is illusive and highly subjective, but since I'm the author of this treatise, I reserve the right to assign values to whatever symptoms most greatly gross me out.  I've chosen to leave mental illnesses off my list, potentially devastating though they may be, simply because comparing the two is an "apples and oranges" sort of comparison.


10. Rotavirus 
 Any illness characterized by explosive diarrhea is, by definition, disgusting.

9.   Yeast Vaginits
One of the many epitomae of disgusting, this condition has the drawback of also occurring  very  commonly.

8.   Cystic Fibrosis
A person with this disease produces and must cough up his or her weight in thick and excessively viscous mucous roughly twice  each day.

7.   Hemorrhoids
Hemorrhoids received the honor of being the listed condition at this placement, but any condition involving the anus qualifies for this placement simply by virtue of anus involvement;  I can't list them all. If it involves the anus, it's disgusting. Period.

6.    Hypertrichosis
A person suffering from this condition is covered with hair all over his or her body.

5.    Necrotizing Enterocolits
Necrotizing enterocolitis occurs when the lining of the intestinal wall dies and the tissue falls off. Just think about it. The rationale for this condition's placement on the list is self-evident.

4.    Necrotizing Fascitis 
Similar to the preceding condition, one can actually see the flesh falling off with this disease.

3.    Lymphatic Filariasis, AKA Elephantiasis
Caused by parasitic worms, this malady results in grotesquely distorted lower appendages, not excluding genitalia.

2.    Fecal Vomiting 
Essentially a symptom, most likely of bowel obstruction, rather than a disease in and of itself, this condition is sufficiently disgusting to merit prominent inclusion in this list because what it lacks in disease status  it more than makes of for in the disgusting category. If you're unfamiliar with the term, it is exactly what it sounds like. Fecal matter backs up from the intestine into the stomach, then ultimately up the digestive tract to the mouth and on out.  Throwing up conventional vomitus, i.e. barf , is unpleasant  enough. Imagine  poop being expelled through one's mouth. Do you really need to hear more?

1.    Rectovaginal Fistula    
This condition is characterized by an abnormal connection (as though any connection between the  two could ever be categorized anything but abnormal) between the rectum and the vagina. Whatever God or creator came up with disease has a very sick mind.

Bon appetit!


  1. Hope he is doing well in his recovery!

  2. Hi Matt!

    He's having his major surgery tomorrow morning. depending upon what has to be done, there may be minor procedures as well. My parents are more worried about his psychological well-being at this point. They're confident doctors can fix what's ailing him physically. I'll keep everyone posted.


  3. I can speak for #2. That is pretty bad. If I could add on to your list, I'd say look up Vaginal Prolapse. That is pretty disgusting; think insides falling out. It interferes with a lot, I've heard. That happened to someone I know. They ended up having to have two surgeries because the mesh they put in to fix the condition fell out causing the problem all over again. Also a looong time ago my grandfather had this weird glandular thing. While it wasn't necessarily disgusting pre surgery... after that thing leaked colors like a freaking rainbow. But, as you said disgusting is a highly subjective term. :)

    I'll pray for your cousin. Hopefully he won't need a colostomy. When I had my resection, they were able to piece me back together, though with an infection I can see how the healing process would be different. Keep us posted! :)

  4. Becca, in an amazing coincidence, I seriously considered including "vaginal prolapse" in my list, but my paternal grandmother (who gave birth to eleven children) suffered from the condition before she had her hysterectomy. My dad's side of the family would have insisted I was making fun of her if the condition had appeared on my list and if one of them had read it.