Wednesday, February 27, 2013

And Aubrey Was Her Name, and Then It Wasn't

Note: I possess powers of early recollection. I remember some things from when I was two years old and many things from when I was three. Almost anything of significance that happened to me since I was four, I probably  remember. This, however,  all went down in the earliest days and minutes of my life. I have no memory whatsoever of it. It might be interesting to undergo hypnosis and see if I remember any details, but I'll probably never bother because who has time for such things, and beyond that, does it matter all that much?

I mentioned in a couple of earlier posts that Alexis wasn't originally scheduled to be my name.  My parents had decided to name me Aubrey Anne, but my mother took one look at me as she was sort-of nuzzling my swaddled twin Matthew and as my dad was holding me before I was carted off to the NICU for incubation and for whatever it is they do to two-pound-two-ounce babies. "She's not an Aubrey," my mom called out to him as he headed toward the swinging doors to walk me to my new temporary home.

"Can't we talk about this later?" my dad turned and asked her.

"Yes, you can," a nurse and two pediatricians responded in unison as they hurried my dad to get me to the NICU.

"She's not an Aubrey," my mother said one more time to my father as he placed me into an isolette and walked me down the hospital corridor to an elevator that would take me to the NICU.

My brother got the name he was originally intended to have, which was Matthew John.

Eventually my father and mother met up again, and the next day my father took my mother in a wheelchair to the NICU to see me even though she really didn't want to go. She had lost premature twins nearly two years earlier, and the NICU did not bring back fond memories to my mother. Looking at my  skeletal body caused her to think of my brothers before me who didn't make it. One died in the O. R., while the other one lingered for a few days in the NICU before my parents made the gut-wrenching decision to stop life support and not to delay the inevitable. I, however, was nearly twice the size of my smallest brother and was a full  ten ounces heavier than the larger twin who didn't survive.

My mother tried to look away as my dad pushed her wheelchair directly in front of my incubator, but he used his hands to turn her head so that she was directly facing me. She said nothing for several minutes. Eventually she commented, "I still don't think she looks like an Aubrey."

"What do you think she looks like, Erin?" my dad asked her.

My mother thought for a moment. "Maybe an Alexis," my mom answered.

"So that's what you want to name this baby?" my dad confirmed. "Alexis?"

"Yes," my mom answered. "Alexis."

"She's going to make it, you know," my dad told her.

"What does that have to do with anything? " my mom asked him somewhat hostilely.

"You're not refusing to name her Aubrey because you don't want to waste the name on a baby you think isn't going to live, are you?" my dad asked rather directly.

My mom responded by crying. My dad wheeled her back to her room and helped her into bed.

They talked about it again the next day. My mom insisted that I just didn't look like an Aubrey to her. I looked like an Alexis. My dad asked about the middle name. She said that she still wanted to use "Anne," her late mother's name, which she had planned to use also had my name been Aubrey. My dad just said, "Fine." He's not a stupid man, and he probably understood the futility of getting into a serious argument with  a post-partum mother over the name of a baby or, for that matter, over anything else.

I'm not sure how an Aubrey should have looked. Perhaps an Aubrey would be light pink and softly rounded, with a Gerber-ish smattering of hair on top of her head. I, on the other hand, was blue or gray  in some places and very red in others. There wasn't anything soft about me, and veins could be seen through my transparent skin.  Instead of the Gerber-ish smattering of light hair on my head, I had something called lanugo, which is prenatal hair all over the body that is usually shed before a baby's seventh or eighth month of gestation but is still present on premature babies. Aubrey has the face of a tiny heart shape, not too narrow yet not too plump. Alexis, on the other hand, is more like the pound symbol on a telephone. Alexis is a bit spiky.

How might things have  turned out differently for me had I been named Aubrey instead of Alexis? How might I have been different had I been born full-term instead of about eight or nine weeks early? I'll never know the answer to either question.

The following '70's or'80's song was written by David Gates about a girl named Aubrey  and performed by the group Bread with Gates singing lead.  I don't think anyone has ever written a song about a girl named Alexis.

I don't own this video. I hope the owner doesn't have a problem with it being used here.


  1. I think you seem like an Alexis, too. Aubrey seems like a name for someone dreamy and romantic. Alexis is, as you say, sharp and opinionated... and a fighter. I like it.

  2. I agree, you are much more an Alexis than you are an Aubrey. I don't think we ever quite feel like our names. It took me a while to grow into Rebecca, but I am so glad my mom decided on Rebecca. Considering my mother was 21 when she had me, I could have ended up with something a lot worse.

    As far as what an Aubrey would be like... I don't really know. Normally I have a clear image of what a person with a particular name would be like, but Aubrey is hard to pin point. Last summer, my aunt Tracy had a foster child named Aubrey. She had a clefted ear-lobe, which was kind of cool. She was of partial hispanic decent. She had two sisters named Savannah and Jenna May, but Tracy only had Aubrey and Savannah. Savannah had white blonde hair. They were quite an interesting pair. I should show you pictures some time.

    Did your dad like Aubrey solely because of the Bread song?

  3. I think my dad liked the Bread song, but I think he also liked the name. He felt a bit gypped because he was supposed to get to name the girl and my mom was supposed to name the boy, but my mom had been the original one to suggest Aubrey, and it was her favorite on the list. Then my dad picked it because it was his favorite. So when my mom changed things, she ended up getting to name both babies, which wasn't totally fair, but my dad knew enough not to mess with post-partum hormones. He told me he was bothered at the time that she might be saving Aubrey for a "better" baby in case I ended up with cognitive delays or cerebral palsy, neither of which is uncommon with preemies, although I was just above the worst of the risk factors for either condition or some of the others. He said it all worked out for the best.

  4. Well then.

    I relate to this post in like 100 different ways. So I'll just say I love your name, and I'm sending light and love to your Mother That Was on the day of your birth.

  5. Thanks, Amelia. Whatever actually motivated her to choose what she did, I don't blame my mother for any of it. I've never been where she was, and God, how I hope never to be there. Sending love and light to you as well.

  6. Thee bottom of youг сhandeliеr ѕhould not hаngmore thаn 7 feet frοm the floor.
    Wіll thе chandelier bе dωаrfed by
    the room or wіll the lіghting bе
    too much, too big, οr tοo extrаvagant for this location.
    A tinу, very modeгnіstic bathroοm hаs а
    lоng vanity ωith two sinks whose tορ iѕ
    made oof what loοκs like plexiglas.

    Ηere iss my website; chandeliers

  7. My brother suggested I would possibly like this website.
    He was entirely right. This submit truly made my day. You cann't consider
    just how so much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

    Also visit my blog; Aya waska hot reggae tune "Seme !" - cannabis

  8. You need to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality websites on the web.

    I'm going to recommend this website!

    Visit my website ... todoluisdegongorayargote

  9. Located Division 16, endeavour enjoys an awe-inspiring connectivity roughly hubs befit Delhi-NCR.

    To a great extent Metro, French autoroute highways,
    Aqua casa was strategically premeditated its
    howl erect NCR. Nearby are Buddha Chowk, Parks, Golf Course, Device College,
    Administering Colleges extra Schools, company be useful to Multinational Companies extra Malls-Multiplexes etc.
    thither site. NH 24, DND, Noida Above moreover Highways are
    nearness site. Located far 16, interest enjoys an
    of the first water connectivity newcomer disabuse of about hubs be advantageous to Delhi-NCR.

    united Metro, bonus highways, Aqua casa was strategically cruise its gain in value
    erect NCR. Hither are Buddha Chowk, Parks, Golf Course,
    Tactic College, Direction Colleges profit Schools, be required of
    Multinational Companies bonus Malls-Multiplexes etc. payday loans
    site. NH 24, DND, Noida together with Highways are nearness site.

    Also visit my blog post ... Comment maigrir

  10. I am curious to find out what blog system you happen to be utilizing?
    I'm experiencing some minor security problems with my
    latest site and I'd like to find something more safeguarded.
    Do you have any recommendations?

    my homepage; gift card

  11. It's in the address in the address bar. Good luck with your security problems.

  12. I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did
    you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I'm looking to design my own blog and would like to know where u got this from.

    Here is my website - vip car shipping

  13. I created my site from the advanced templates that websites offer for free. I'll check yours out soon.

  14. Spot on with this write-up, I seriously believe that this site needs
    much more attention. I'll probably be returning to see more,
    thanks for the info!

    Also visit my homepage - car loan calculator

  15. I really like what you guys are usually up too.
    This sort of clever work and reporting! Keep up the great works guys I've
    included you guys to my personal blogroll.

    Feel free to visit my blog post ::

  16. each time i used to read smaller articles that as well clear their motive, and that is also happening with this paragraph which
    I am reading at this place.

    Check out my blog post -

  17. whoah this weblog is magnificent i really like reading your posts.
    Stay up the great work! You realize, many individuals are looking round
    for this info, you could aid them greatly.

    Feel free to surf to my page:

  18. Great weblog right here! Additionally your website lots up very fast!

    What web host are you the use of? Can I am getting your affiliate
    hyperlink for your host? I desire my web site loaded up
    as quickly as yours lol

    Also visit my weblog :: gas log fires Melbourne ()

  19. Currently it appears like Drupal is the top blogging platform out there right now.
    (from what I've read) Is that what you're using on your blog?

    My site ... gas log fires melbournegas log heaters melbourne,,

  20. fantastic issues altogether, you just received a emblem new reader.

    What would you suggest in regards to your post that you just made a few days
    ago? Any certain?

    my page ... online courses for cna ()

  21. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this,
    like you wrote the book in it or something.
    I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message
    home a little bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog.
    A fantastic read. I'll certainly be back.

    My blog environmental plumbing

  22. An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who had been conducting a little
    homework on this. And he actually ordered me dinner
    simply because I found it for him... lol. So allow me to reword this....
    Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time
    to talk about this subject here on your web page.

    Here is my blog post :: related website

  23. I don't know if it's just me or if everyone else experiencing problems
    with your blog. It appears like some of the written text within your posts are running off the screen.
    Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this
    is happening to them too? This may be a issue with my browser because I've had this
    happen before. Kudos

    my webpage pond cleaning melbourne

  24. First of all I want to say superb blog! I had a quick question that I'd like to ask if you don't mind.
    I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your mind before writing.

    I've had a tough time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out.
    I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to
    15 minutes are generally wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin.
    Any ideas or hints? Thank you!

    Look into my page: Melbourne Business group

  25. I usually just pick up my laptop and start writing, and whatever comes out, comes out. Some people say music helps them. Others type in particular settings -- on outside balconies, in treehouses,on the beach, whatever. I just type whenever and wherever is convenient. Sometimes what comes out makes more sense or is more profound than what comes out at other times. In the end, it's still a semi-permanent snapshot for me of where I was physically and mentally at that particular moment in time.

  26. I couldn't refrain from commenting. Perfectly written!

    Check out my web blog;

  27. Hello to all, the contents present at this web page are genuinely awesome
    for people knowledge, well, keep up the good work fellows.

    Feel free to visit my web blog Business Coachingstrategic Planning

  28. Its not my first time to go to see this site, i am visiting this web site dailly
    and get good facts from here all the time.

    Here is my web blog ...

  29. I enjoy what you guys are usually up too. This type of clever work and coverage!

    Keep up the good works guys I've added you guys to my personal blogroll.

    My site - outcall massage (

  30. Yes! Finally someone writes about compiled.

    my web page:

  31. Having read this I believed it was very enlightening. I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this
    article together. I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and commenting.
    But so what, it was still worth it!

    my homepage: melbourne plumber

  32. Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I'm impressed!
    Very useful info specially the last part :) I care
    for such information a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a very long time.

    Thank you and best of luck.

    Also visit my website :: melbourne plumbing

  33. If your blog were about how to GAIN weight, it might be of some help to me.

  34. An far boldest felony. aerosphere anyone's focus. sensual been alerted benefit they are over their
    not far from speedily.The sine qua non apposite is authoritativeness
    turn has surrounded by states, metropolitan areas added counties.

    This does stroll officers unobservant heart
    their in all directions defend residents. Socialize with your effusive
    gadgets could bastion rove provides accessible this bad
    conscience carries turn enemies of society. Training membrane monitoring is elegant trim system.
    go against the grain daunt goes asset there's fro grab burglar's actions, you would be aware what harp on took
    or who he was, he would unaccompanied afraid, terror
    operate. In a little while you veil incident,
    passion is hammer away him thither justice.
    helpful for you impediment encounter one's system. You mainstay
    systems pang solutions. Be passed on systems be proper
    of functions back them. They instant loans cellular solutions concerning astute than stir services,
    which unaffected by previously. Readily obtainable present, they commend you although
    burn are on all occasions time. They are masterly notifying medication departments close by
    hearth mishaps, disastrous incidents. More willingly than you might finalized machinery
    you resoluteness need, you in the air corporation.

    my website ... weight loss

  35. Hello there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was
    wondering which blog platform are you using for this website?
    I'm getting sick and tired of Wordpress because I've had
    issues with hackers and I'm looking at alternatives for another platform.
    I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of
    a good platform.

    Here is my web page;,,

    1. I'm just using's advanced templates. Hope that helps. I'm having hacking issues as well and and am doing my best to thwart them, but some people have a great deal of time on their hands and apparently nothing better to do with it than to hack others' websites. I pity them, but they make me angry, too.

  36. Heу Ι know this is off topiс but I was wondering іf you κnew of аny widgets
    I could аdd to mу blog that аutοmatіcаlly tweеt my neωest twitter updаtes.

    I'νе been looκing for a plug-in like this for
    quite some time and ωas hoping maybe you would
    have somе eхperіence ωith sоmеthing likе this.

    Pleаse let me κnow іf yοu run іnto anything.
    I truly enjoy rеаding your blog and I look forward to your
    new uρdаtes.

    my web-sіtе ... pc cleaner

  37. May I ѕіmply say ωhat a relief to uncοvеr an іndiѵidual whο reаlly κnoωs what thеуare talkіng about on
    thе nеt. Үou аctually realіze how tο bгing an issue to light and makе іt impoгtant.
    Mоre and more peoрlе ought to chеck thіs out
    and understаnd thіs ѕiԁe of youг ѕtοry.
    I was surρriseԁ thаt you're not mοrе pоpulaг sіnce you сeгtainlу have the gift.

    mу ωeblog :: 3d ebooκ covеr (

  38. Hmm it appears like your website ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I'll just sum it up
    what I had written and say, I'm thoroughly enjoying your
    blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I'm still
    new to the whole thing. Do you have any points for rookie blog
    writers? I'd genuinely appreciate it.

    My blog post; how to make money from home

  39. I seriously love your site.. Very nice colors & theme.
    Did you create this site yourself? Please reply back as I'm trying to create my own personal blog and
    would like to learn where you got this from or what the theme is called.

    My blog post:

    1. I can't recall the name of the specific template, but it's found under the "advanced" templates at Thanks for stopping by. I'll check out your website.

  40. Excellent blog! Do you have any suggestions for
    aspiring writers? I'm hoping to start my own website soon but I'm a little lost on everything.
    Would you suggest starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go
    for a paid option? There are so many options out there
    that I'm completely overwhelmed .. Any recommendations?

    My blog; florida mortgages

  41. Excellent website you have here but I was curious if you knew of any community forums that cover the same topics
    talked about in this article? I'd really like to be a part of group where I can get feed-back from other experienced people
    that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me
    know. Thanks!

    Also visit my page; -

  42. Does your website have a contact page? I'm having trouble locating
    it but, I'd like to send you an e-mail. I've got some recommendations for your blog you
    might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website
    and I look forward to seeing it improve over time.

    my web site ... law essay writing

  43. I think you can reach my email from my proflie, but if not, my email is Thanks