No Utah Bullet-Proof Hair for Me

This is what my hair will not look like.

My violin recital will begin in less than seven hours.  I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'm mostly ready for it to be over.

My nails have been done. Alyssa's aunt is going to do my hair right before the recital. Alyssa's good at hair, but her aunt is a professional who owned a somewhat esteemed hair salon in Utah that specialized in non-Utah hairstyles. I will not appear at my recital with bullet-proof Utah hair.

We're going to the beach in a few minutes. If my nails get messed up, Alysa will touch them up afterward. They're polished, but I can't have fake nails or long nails because they would interfere with my ability to play the violin. My nails cannot be as short as is ideal for the violin just because of the natural configuration of my fingertips and nails, but I still cannot have them long for a recital.

I don't feel like eating anything, but I have to force myself to eat something or I will not have sufficient energy to make it through my recital. I'll need to be on my feet for the whole thing. I do not believe in dancing around the stage barefoot or otherwise while I play my violin, but I do need to be able to remain on my feet.

I have invited 3.5 celebrities to this recital. I believe 1.5. celebrities will be in attendance.  Dieter Uchtdorf probably won't be there. Ellen DeGeneris won't be there, at least in part because I didn't invite her. Richard Carpenter won't be there for the same reason. I didn't invite Mindi Carpenter because shedoesn't know me and i assme she will be busy. My brother wishes I had invited Mindi Carpenter in case she might be hot, so he could ask her out. Johnny Depp is busy.  Cousin Will, the .5 celebrity, may be there. His bona fide famous wife will not be in attendance.

I probably should have included something from Sweeney Todd in the program. C'est la vie. It's already gone to the printer, and I can't throw a curve at my accompanist even though he could play it with his eyes closed.