I found my computer while everyone else was asleep!

I'm not sure I'll dress quite so dramatically, but I'm pretty sure I'll identify with how he's feeling.

                                                                            


I woke up and no one else was awake. They're probably exhausted. My mom is in the bed next to mine, so it didn't take much maneuvering on my part  to reach my computer and to get my computer back to my bed.

Now that I have it [the computer] I can't recall what was supposedly important to say. I think I am better and that people are treating me with some degree of kindness. If I ask for painkillers, I get them even if someone has to call GastroSuperman to get them for me. My longest wait has been 15 minutes, which is a short wait in the grand scheme of things.

Love life is not appearing to go where I want it to go, but maybe the idea that it was too early is  an understatement. The new romance hasn't come right out and said anything, but I'm reading his vibes with greater accuracy  than I usually do. Someday we may be an item, or maybe not. I really don't know where it's going, but I would prefer a friendship forever than a romance that lasted for two weeks, followed  by a relationship in which I was not ever really comfortable talking to him again. If it was meant to be, it will still be meant to be   in two years from now.  I just think I have too much on my plate to be overly concerned with romance at this juncture. and as much as I hate to think about this, there will  be just because of my presence in the program in which I'm enrolled at my age, people who are looking at constant ways to trip me up because of my age. Not everyone will be out to get me just because of my age. Some will hate me just because they hate me. I'm curious as to how openly this hate will be addressed, or if it will be swept under the carpet, because we have NO COMPETITITION  here because of the no letter grades in the first grades two years. I really wish I had a professor just like Judge Ferrer my first two years of med school , because I think he could see through some of the b.s. that some of the others don't see. Still, I'm going to have to see through thins and find my way through this on my  own. I have to get through the program knowing what I need to know and not by  pretending to be Miss Congeniality. I would never have signed up in the first place  had I not possessed the confidence that I could kick butt in this program. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm probably 90%, easing my way up to 10 100% so that I'll  be there soon.

I still have over two months to recover. This is something I can do.  I will do it.  Every person  in my class has some obstacle over he or she or must overcome. I don't know what my classmates' hidden obstacles are; I merely know that the obstacles are there. Some my be worse than mine. Some may exist only in the minds of the students. Nonetheless, they're every bit as real as are mine or more so. Statistically, roughly 20% of us will not succeed in overcoming our obstacles.  If that sounds like false bravado, as perhaps it is,  I wouldn't have signed up if I felt that I had only 80%  of completing the program successfully.

I'll check back in periodically once the program has begun. Sometimes I'll be depressed with what I have to share, because the one thing my shrink has managed to impart to me in God knows how may years of therapy is that is there is such a thing a neurotypicality,  and that I fit into the  mold as well as does the average person..  We're all up and down at times. Chairman Mao says that he's seen more than  his share of those who are neurotypical.  I am, as much as I'd like to consider really myself special in some way, more than anything else, I am neurotypical.   My brain may recall information faster than does the brain of the average  person, but still it does so largely in the same way as does anyone else's brain.

In March of 2018, I hope to report back you with exciting news concerning where I plan to complete the next phase of my life, which would be my internship and/or residency, which will be involve anywhere between three and seven years of  my life Still, we all hope to be around both physically and psychologically.  Romance may be what's foremost on all of our minds, or it may be the very furthest point from any one of our minds.    I hope that for all of us, it's what we would have chosen for ourselves had the choice been entirely ours.  Good luck to all of us.