Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Joining Honey Boo Boo's Family

About a month ago I was sick and my dad felt obligated to keep me company when I was watching an episode of "Here comes Honey boo Boo." My PseudoUncle showed up and watched part of the show with us.  My dad doesn't like any television program that I like. Even if he does like a show, if he finds out that I like it, he will reverse his stance on principal alone and dislike the show simply because I like it. In the case of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," however, no reversing of his stance was necessary. He hated it from the very first  little blurb before the episode even started, which made me love it all the more

My dad complained the entire time the show aired that everyone in our house-- even those not watching it -- was losing IQ points by osmosis. Then my PseudoUncle joined in on the complaints.
They didn't think the footage we were seeing on TV was for real. They thought most of the redneckocity or whatever one would care to call it was dreamed up by the producers. While I've said the same thing myself, I couldn't allow my dad and my PseudoUncle to trash my new favorite program with impunity.  I had to defend June, Alana, SugarBear, Pumpkin, Chubbs, Chickadee and anyone else even loosely associated with the show.

My dad has since decided that I would fit in with the Honey Boo Boo family better than I fit in with my birth family. He claims to be making arrangements even as I type to have my
possessions transported to McIntyre, Georgia, so that I can move in with my kindred spirits.  He said that spending five minutes in the presence of those people will in all likelihood lower my MCAT and LSAT scores to the point that I'll never even get into law school, much less medical school, but it's a price that must be paid.  Human beings have a biological compulsion, he says, to be in the company of their natural peers, however far and wide they must travel to find them.

My father is proof positive that a person can have an MD and still be, for practical purposes, a functional moron.


  1. You know, you could turn it around against your dad and use their less than healthful eating habits as a point of positivity on your psyche. The majority of that family is far over weight, obviously, maybe you could afford to spend some time around them since you are under weight. :)


  2. Becca, I am going to mention the weight gain angle to Daddy. Moving in with June and eating meals prepared by her, if it didn't kill me, almost for certain would make me gain weight. That which does not kill you makes you fatter.

  3. I saw a photograph of Honey Boo, once. It or she scared the living s**t out of me!

  4. Matt, if seeing a picture of Honey Boo Boo scared you, I pray that you never see a picture of her mother because you probably would not live to tell of the experience.