Sunday, October 16, 2011

I Don't Know If I can Do This Anymore

I don't like school. I never liked it. Even preschool I hated. For the most part I've kept kept my opinions to myself because I knew school was non-negotiable. I've reached the point where, even though I've still got a year and change before I turn eighteen, some parts are negotiable.

 The original plan was for me to hang around here for three years so that I could complete a double major in English and  music, but I'm considering totally ditching the music major and reevaluating whether the English major stands alone in terms of providing employment opportunities. I'm not totaaly burning bridges in terms of law school.  Just about any major -- even liberal arts will grant one admission to law school with sufficiently high GPA and LSAT. During my break between semesters, I plan to find a law school and get permission to sit in on a couple of classes to see if I think it's enough different from regular university courses
that I will be able to tolerate three additional years of schooling.

I have six midterms this week. I just completed my lfinal project assignment unless a professor throws something at us that isn't in the syllabus. I didn't really have to complete everything this early, but I can't sleep well when I have pending assignments even if they're not due for seven weeks. most of them are due within six weeks. Once I get through the mideterm exams, life should become a little more bearable.

If I don't go to law school, I have no idea what I will do in terms of a career. math comes easily to me, but i don't want to crunch numbers for a living. teaching is something I don't think I ever want to do. I've had enough poor teachers during my career so far as a student that I feel strongly about only those who feel called to it enter the teaching profession. one shouldn't become a teacher because one can't find anything else to do. period. The medical profession would require more schooling than the legal profession. Nursing, dental hygiene, and related fields don't appeal to me. If I wanted to work in the allied health fields, I would bite the bullet and  go to medical, dental, optometry, or pharmacy school. ti don't have a big problem with authority, but too many bosses ar not a good thing.

If my parents knew I am this stressed, they would insist that I see my therapist, but I don't have the time to do such a thing this week.. On the surface it would seem stupid to blog about it if I don't want them to know, but they're both really busy right now, so I have at least a week before either one will read the post or even take a call from someone else who might tell them about it.

When things slow down next week, I will reassess my situation. It is possible that my feelings will change when the midterms are history. At this point, however, I'm looking for ways to jump through this hoop in the most expeditious manner available.


  1. *hug* college is a stressful, but awesome time. You're looking way farther ahead than I ever did
    in college, or.. life in general. Good for you.

    Six is a lot, but take one day at a time. You're a smart girl.

    When you're studying make sure you take breaks so you don't wear yourself out. Espresso beans are a fun snack if you need to stay up late. Melatonin is helpful if you need to get to sleep.

    if you're taking a foreign language, have it playing in the background while you're studying for everything. Radio head is great music to study to, sleep too and wake up to. (I woke up to the words "You can try the best you can, you can try the best you can, the best you can is good enough" playing in my ears. It made me feel hopeful.

    Sleep is important. If you feel you need to study more, look over your notes, go to bed and then look at them again in the morning. Sleeping helps them sink in.

    Writing things down over an over again is helpful too. Even if you can't read it, it's still getting into your memory a little. Studying things in little chunks and then building adding them all together as you go along is a good way to study things too.

    Love Amy (the study obsessed ex-student)
    I'll be praying for you. ^_~ I know you can do this!!

  2. My daughter chose not to finish high school but has always regretted doing so as it left her feeling disconnected from her peers even years later. Please, try to stay if you can. I do think checking out law school classes ahead of enrolling is a good idea.

  3. What exacty is it you don't like? The structure? The people? The location? The classes? The teachers? There are so many different ways to be educated now, don't give up completely!

  4. Hey Alexis,
    Sorry you're hating school. It sounds like you're ahead of the game enough to step away from it for a while, though. Maybe you could take a personal day to regroup. Study and do things as you feel up to doing them. That way you can take care of your school work, but feel more in control of the situation. I don't obviously know how your schedule is, and you did mention that you are really busy this week... so that may not be a great option for you now, but maybe in the near future.

    And like Amy pointed out, sleep is important, too, and I know you know that if you aren't getting the right amount of rest that you need it starts to affect things negatively.

    All in all though, I’d say you have plenty of time to think about a career. Heck, I think it’s awesome that you’re 16 and going to college. Be proud of your accomplishments and don’t feel bad if you need a breather.

    feel better,


  5. Things are not appreciably better than they were yesterday except that I knocked off one final. I have two tomorrow, two Wednesday, and one Friday. Today's final didn't ask anything I wasn't prepared to answer.

    Thanks you to everyone for your encouragement. I'm trying to remind myself that there are others whose academic load is worse. twenty-one is a lot of units to carry, but there are people who have children who are taking similar loads. I cannot imagine doing what I am presently doing if there were others who depended on me for anything.

  6. Chocolate covered coffee beans are a great help! Really, I know this from experience! ;o))

    Alexis, I went to college late have started a career from school that crashed and burnt due to a recession in the late 1970s.

    Had I gone to college when I left school rather than going out and getting a job, I can't help but feel my life would have been better in some respects. Had I known what I now know (or what I know now?) I believe I would like to have been a solicitor, as some lawyers are called in the UK, or a barrister as some other lawyers are called, here.

  7. That is a huge class schedule, wow! No wonder you're stressed! And yes a big part of it very well could be the mid terms. Those stress everyone out. Maybe next semester take few classes, to help de-stress a bit ??

    Alexis, you are also on the younger side in college, which is also going to effect you. I was 17 when I started college, and it wasn't easy. Not to mention the 1st year is usually the worst for adjusting (typically).

    As for what you want to do, there are so many possiblities. Do you like technology? If you like #'s a lot, you might like to be a data programmer. Or something along those lines.

    I think it would be a good idea to wait until the semester or school year is over and then review how you feel about things. I know it's hard to wait, especially when you're so stressed. I wish I had finished my degree, not because I care about a piece of paper, but just because so many jobs *require* a degree. I am lucky in that I have many years of experience and skill sets to offset the *required* piece of paper. It would make my life a lot easier though, now - 10 to 15 years later.

    You're kicking ass, be proud of that. What you're doing is hard work and stressful. Hopefully the winter break will help a little bit with that!!