Friday, February 18, 2011

Minor Updates

I was packing last night for my return trip to California when PseudoAunt came into my room (technically her own guest room) and asked me if I wanted to stay for longer. Of course I'd like to stay for longer, just as I'd like to be 5'6" and have breasts, or have Christmas twice every year, and I don't mean the LDS tradition of a lame homespun imitation of the real thing on April 6. I didn't voice all of this to her; I somewhat censor my thoughts before voicing them around here, which is why the pseudos still somewhat like me.

The director of my facility called Pseudo-Unc. and asked him if they minded keeping me here for another week. He asked the Pseudos before mentioning it to either my parents or to me so that they wouldn't have to harm my supposedly fragile psyche or otherwise look like the bad guys if they had plans for the next week into which I did not fit or if they simply didn't want to have me around for so long at a stretch. It was a moot point, because the Pseudos were amnable to hosting me for anpther week plus change.

A less cynical person wouldn't so thoroughly inspect this gift horse's teeth. I, however, cannot refrain from speculating about the director's motives. After communicating with fellow inmates at the facility, none of whom have been fortunate enough to have enjoyed an already-week-long furlough, I've concluded that it may have some connection to the recreation rapist's folk-dancing course of study this week, which will evolve to a square dancing unit next week.

The other inmates, or at least the ones with whom I've been in communication, were less than enthralled with the forced folk dancing fivolity, but are offended, insulted, and otherwise not pleased with having square dancing forced upon them. I advised them to first attempt a sick-out. Next they could try feigning enthusiasm to such a degree that only the rapist falls for it, which would cause her to appear foolish to all the other personnel. I said they could try this, because it's not something I would do, but if they need an intermediate step between the sick-out and the real plan just to buy time, it's the best I can come up with off the top of my head. Next, they should turn the daily square dancing fests into dirty dancing extravasganzas. It's not easy to make square dancing an R-rated activity, but I gave a few suggestions. I would have recommended pretending to pass contraband around during the square dancing sessions, but we don't want anyone arrested. Actually, with fake contraband -- something that would anger the rapist but turn out to be totally harmless -- it's feasible. Diversions of a more lame nature have surely been perpetrated.

In any event, The Director must really want me out of the picture for some good or sinister reason if he's allowing me an unplanned extention. (The Driector needs a better name. The only thing that comes to mind is "Dear Leader" a la Kim Jong Il, though the Korean pronunciation would be preferable. Please respond in the comments section with other suggestions.) I'm deeply grateful that the Pseudos are willing to play hosts for an additional week. I hope my last sentence didn't read as sarcasm. I meant it sincerely. The Pseudos treat me kindly and make life fun. I try to make up for the inconvenience of having me underfoot by doing at least my share of the labor. I'm used to it when I'm home, anyway. With both parents working, my brother and I have needed to pitch in since we were farily small.
There's not as much work to do at the Pseudos' place because it's small (though more than twice the square footage of their old apartment) and there are only the two of them plus me. Dishes, laundry, and basic housekeeping are all that really need to be done.

PseudoAunt and I are playing tennis in a short time. It's something I haven't done much of recently, but it's a fun diversion. PseudoAunt is far better than I, but I can at least keep the ball in play for a few exchanges. She won't need to run today if we play a couple of sets. One of PseudoUnc's relatives is taking me diving and hurdling tomorrow. My season will begin soon.

On Tuesday we went snowboarding after the anti-nausea meds PseudoUnc gave me
took effect. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed skiiing when I was a kid. It had been awhile since I'd been on the slopes, but I seemed not to have lost too much skill, and snowboarding was very similar. After a couple of runs it actually seemed easier and more fun than skiing. We're going again next week. It gives PseudoUnc something to hold over PseudoAunt's head in order to persuade her to eat. Weekdays are best because fewer people are at the resorts, thus shortening wait time between runs.

For anyone sufficiently desperate for entertainment to have read this blog, I apologize for the mundane essence of the post. For record-keeping purposes I needed to note basic information. I'll attempt to tackle a more cerebral topic soon.


  1. Your poor friends at the facility! Square dancing? I would die of hysterics if one of the many therapists at my hospital wanted me to square dance. Maybe your next cerebal blog post should be on the psychological benefits of dance, if there are any.

  2. Call him Dear Director?

    Great One?


    But do make sure that you call him for dinner! ;o))

  3. Matt,
    What did Hitler's followers call him? I know you weren't alive during his reign of terror, but you may have studied about it. We in the u. S. get the bare minimum of Hitler until university.

  4. The fuhrer, it means leader.

    Hang on! Be back with some fun stuff!

    Leading Doctor translates to:
    Welsh: meddyg blaenllaw
    Afrikaans: leidende dokter
    Albanian:Mjeku kryesor
    Galician: un médico especialista
    Irish: tosaigh dochtúir
    Italian: leader medico
    Lithuanian: pirmaujančių gydytojas

  5. Alexis I am so glad you are in good mood today I have enjoyed so much your "minor updates" you made me laugh with the square dancing; what? why?
    I founded funny but maybe is considered
    the national dance of USA. What do I know?
    Your decision to stay it was the right one and I was happy for keeping your thoughts to yourself if they wish they can come and read them.
    You know they both pseudo-relatives love you very much and they mean it when they say "we want you to stay" I think I will visit your blog more often so I can learn some English ;I thought I had the chance to do that at J.A's page but I discovered that these people know less than I do so they are hurting what I know ....already; besides they are driving me crazy and always push my Greek fuse so I can be in trouble.I stop taking their bait by not responding. I just had it. let's leave this subject cause never ends. How did you call the director? Dear Leader? ha ha ha
    Any way I 'll go away with that cause I have to read some posts of yours and maybe I will learn a new word .I hope you will not loose your..... writing skills because of my comments!!! ha ha
    The only one word I understand from your post without searching the dictionary is "pseudo" cause a totally Greek word.
    Take care and have a good evening with your pseudo-relatives.! Catherine