Friday, May 27, 2016

Is anything worth it?

I'm considering quitting medical school. What is he point of it? What if a person I'm charged with patching up is one of the ones who believes my attackers had every right to have their way with me and to injure me both inside and out? Do I want to help such a person? Do I want to go to so much effort, give up so much sleep, work ridiculous shifts, study, and generally give up any semblance of a normal life so that I can help many people who do not deserve my help?

I have more money in the bank than I'm comfortable disclosing. I could live a very hedonistic life for a few years.  It won't last a lifetime, but my parents probably won't let me starve afterword. I can probably stain slides in one of my dad's labs or teach piano or violin or do weddings and funerals once I no longer have enough money to support myself. Perhaps that is the way to go. Being a doctor is a noble pursuit. I don't feel all that noble anymore. I also feel drunk.


  1. Believe me, I often felt like quitting when I was in school. In fact, I felt like quitting two days ago when Bill and I decided to walk to the gorge and went the long way. I stuck it out both times and it was *mostly* worth it.

    You don't know what the future holds. I thought I'd be doing one thing and ended up going a different direction entirely. I think you should finish school. Don't waste the time and money you've put into it. Then, if you want to fuck around like I do, you will at least have that finished degree. And yours will even be paid for.

    1. Thank you. And I wouldn't wish it on him because I do not want bad Karma, but if elderolddog should suffer a violent crime, I'd feel that it was Karmic forces at work.

  2. Dear Alexis
    I wrote a long reply full of good advice and sympathy (presumptuous of anyone to give advice I know!!!!)but I wrote it on my phone and it has disappeared into cyberspace.

    I take that as a metaphor. Cyber friends and cyber criticisms are ephemeral.

    I know I started the post saying " Hang in there!!"Your medical degree is just a gateway. Clinical medicine is not for everyone and there are so many other avenues.

    Patients are a mixed bag but they need not intrude into your personal life. Maybe you have not yet been exposed to your pathway '

    I don't think the hedonistic lifestyle would suit you for long.We in Australia have a concept,inherited from the UK of a "Gap year". Usually taken between high school and university-but my daughter did so after her first year of university- of deferring your studies and working ,volunteering, travelling or a combination as your budget allows.This may be what you need.

    But please don't throw in the towel. Don't give Uncle Mahonri the satisfaction of saying "I told you so. "

    1. Thank you. And elderoldog is a bastard even if he apologized to my uncle.He never apologized to me.