Ex-Factor

"The best way not to get a broken heart is to pretend you don't have one." -- Charlie Sheen ****

Love is probably overstating it, but I was in a relationship from the very end of August until now. A relationship of less than four months is not exactly the substance of which history's great romances are made, but considering my personal romantic history, it lasted practically a lifetime. Like many relationships, alas, it didn't stand the test of time.

My former significant other was and is a classmate. This makes things perhaps just a tad awkward, though not excruciatingly so. It wasn't the most intense of relationships ever, and the split wasn't overwhelmingly ugly. 

I'm still not entirely sure the exact nature of the split. I was there when he broke it off (in person; he's hardly a blatant anal orifice) so I know what he told me, but I'm uncertain as to whether or not what I was told was the real reason. My friend asked me why the guy would lie about his reason. Sometimes the course of least resistance is easier than the truth. Sometimes a guy tells a girl what he thinks will be the least painful thing to hear or what will make him sound the least like a jerk when his words are repeated to someone else. Sometimes a girl does the same thing, of course, but I didn't break it off with the guy in this case.

There was (and still is) a slightly-greater-than-four-year age gap between us. The age discrepancy was cited in the conversation that went on for longer than it should have, ostensibly because the guy felt guilty, as a contributory factor. I did nothing to encourage him to keep talking, to rethink his decision, or to do anything. If someone does not wish to continue a relationship of any sort with me, that's the person's choice. It's beneath my dignity to attempt to cling to anyone who is plotting an escape.

I didn't give away to this person anything that I cannot easily reclaim. The preceding statement was intentionally cryptic, just as the guy may have been cryptic in regard to what he said to me regarding his reason for ending things. Had I been older, would he have been more open regarding certain things he may have desired in a relationship? I have no idea. One thing the guy said was that in a few years a four-year age difference between him and someone else or between me and someone else probably won't be significant, but at this point it is. 

My brother and I are younger by more than a year than anyone else in the cohort. Most of the students in my cohort are considerably more than a year older than we are. The mean age right now is 24, years, 10 months. I'm 20 years, 11.4 months. I try very hard not to be silly and to be as mature as anyone else, but when the people here look at me, they seem to see someone who is not their equal in terms of age and maturity. I cannot change who I am.

I've never mentioned or alluded in any way to this person in my blog. I suppose I'm doing the ultimate mention now, although if you're not someone in my cohort, you haven't the foggiest notion as to whom I may be referring. My own parents have no idea. My best friends from places other than here have no clue as to what I'm talking about.

If I were Taylor Swift, I would probably write a song about the guy, and everyone who knew him would recognize him in the song. He should probably consider himself most fortunate that he's getting off with a mere anonymous mention in this equally anonymous blog.

This, too, shall pass.

I don't really like Garth Brooks --or, for that matter, any country artist -- all that much. I did, however, come across a lovely cover of one of Brooks' songs by  Celtic Thunder artist Colm Keegan along with cellist extraordinaire Laura Durrant. It's their video, and I hope they don't mind that I posted it, as it perfectly suits my current rather gloomy mood.

  ****  not necessarily a person after whom any sane being I know would choose to pattern his or her life