Wednesday, April 8, 2015

They've been calling me Cutthroat Bitch behind My back for months.

See the resemblance? I don't, either.

another picture of my supposed doppelganger; I'd say, objectively, that we were not exactly switched at birth

I now have a nickname that many members of my cohort call me -- allegedly in good fun -- behind my back.  On Facebook and elsewhere that  I'm not present, I'm known as "Cutthroat Bitch."  They lifted the name from House, MD. In one of the series' more shark-jumping plot lines, House held a competition between a group of MD applicants*, sort of like Survivor, to assemble his new team of flunkies. 

The character of "Cutthroat Bitch" was actually a woman named Amber. The character "House" gave her character the infamous nickname. (Some sources say "Kutner," the Kal Penn character, actually gave Amber the name. I believe it was House who actually called her by that name first, but Kutner, in a later conversation, told her it was her official nickname. How utterly ironic that the classmate who looks like Kutner told me that's what I'm being called.) She was a somewhat cutthroat competitor and was probably something of a bitch. House cut her from the competition in the final cut even though she had the correct diagnosis because her motives were questionable. Later she started to date his best friend, Wilson. Then she was killed in a bus accident in which House was seriously injured and lost his memory but recovered it just in time to remember that Amber, AKA Cutthroat Bitch, had been on the bus with him and was much more gravely wounded. 

I can't even remember the injury or medical condition she had, but Wilson had the option of letting her die in peace, or of bringing her back to consciousness for a short time to allow her to say good-bye to everyone. I must watch that episode again to see if the injury or medical condition that would allow a person to be brought back out of a non-medically-induced coma briefly before expiring even exists now that I have slightly more knowledge than I had when I saw it originally. My dad wasn't there at the time so I couldn't ask him, but he would neither have watched the show with me nor wanted to hear anything about it because he says the show is stupider than anything he's ever seen on Fox News and that watching even a few minutes of House, MD makes him physically ill.

The guy who looks like Kal Penn -- my former running partner before I was sidelined by the broken foot --   is the one who told me.  I always question the motives of anyone who tells a person something of such a nature, as am I really better off knowing? The way he told me, though, by asking my brother, "Are you going to tell her, or you do you want me to?" led me to believe that his motives probably were pure and that he thought it might hurt my feelings more if I found out elsewhere. 

The odd thing is that my feelings are not hurt. At least the others think about me enough to have given me a nickname, albeit a somewhat insulting one. I'm really neither cutthroat nor a bitch in classroom or clinical settings. I usually help anyone who asks if the person is in seriously dire enough straits to benefit from my assistance. 

This morning before class as I was walking down an aisle in the auditorium to the area where I usually sit, the guy who allegedly gave me the nickname called out, "Alexis, did you read the eleventh chapter yet?"

I stopped, looked directly at him, and said, "Why don't you just call me what you call me when I'm not around?"

He turned crimson -- I've never seen a 23-year-old guy with relatively olive skin blush to the degree that he did. He had no  idea what to say. The auditorium grew so quiet that you could hear practically the guy's heartbeat. I don't know if he thought I was planning to charge him with sexual harassment or what. He was stammering and saying he only called me that because I look  like the character. Seriously. She's something like 40 years old, she's voluptuous, and she's 5'10", for crying out loud. I'm supposed to believe I earned the nickname by looking like her. The only physical attributes we share are blonde-blue-eyed caucasian coloring. She looks more like that crazy Ann Coulter (minus the Adam's apple) than she looks like me. (I'm a bit blonder than the original cutthroat bitch is simply because Alyssa puts a lighter shade of coloring product on my hair than Cutthroat bitch puts on her own hair. I'm naturally blonde, but not so blonde as my hair is now. Unless a person practically has albino tendencies, hair darkens as one gets older. By the time I'm approaching forty, any hair that isn't gray will be probably nowhere near blonde except for the fact that I'll probably still be coloring it.)

Anyway, I let the guy stutter for a few minutes, then put him out of his misery by responding , "Hell, I don't care. Call me whatever you want when I'm not around. Yes, I did read chapter eleven. What part did you want to discuss?"

He told opened his book and pointed to a section of the chapter. I looked at it and told him what I thought. The rest of the gawkers went back to their sheep-like noise-making.

Everything would then have been fine except that the lecturing prof started her lecture with, "We're going to review the principles of CPR. The problem is that the nursing department is using all the CPR Annies. We're going to need to use a live body for practice. Alexis, we'll use you." The entire auditorium erupted in laughter. I didn't turn horribly red, though. I have greater ability to hide humiliation than most fair-skinned people do. Claire did, too. It's a trait that served us well in our high school days when we tried to look innocent in the face of questioning teachers and school administrators.

It seems that my brother told someone about my dream who told someone else, who told someone else until everyone including the professors knew about it. The professor who made the joke at my expense wasn't even the professor who appeared in my dream. 

So now I'm both a cutthroat bitch and a person who has stupid and paranoid dreams. It would serve them all right if I really did turn into a cutthroat bitch, but I won't, in part because I don't care. No one would be calling me that if at least one person were not just a bit intimidated by me. I like the idea of it. Does that make me a cutthroat bitch? Maybe.

*One of the longest-lasting applicants was actually a really knowledgeable older guy who actually wasn't an MD but was merely pretending to be one.


  1. I have never seen House. Bill has and he says it's a good show. I prefer watching old crap from 20 years ago or British shows.

    Good for you for calling out that guy. That took moxie. And while I know you were embarrassed about the CPR dummy crack, it's actually pretty funny! Sounds like your prof has noticed you.

    1. Thanks.My brother, crude being that he is, said I have balls. i like moxie better, especially being half Irish and all.

  2. Hi
    I have seen House.
    It is'nt a real life mode.
    Do not be upaset white that...
    Don't worry,be happy!!!

  3. You handled that exchange over chapter 11 very well.

    1. Thanks, Donna. I was somewhat proud of myself.

  4. They are just jealous. I wouldn't worry about it. I was in the top of my class in undergrad but we didn't get ranked or even really in competition for each other. I did what you did and helped everyone as much as I could (best study technique too). I don't know if I got called names behind my back. I'm guessing med school is a lot more competitive and some of the older guys especially are finding it hard to believe that a much younger girl who looks even younger is doing far better than them. It probably helped me that I can sometimes come across as a little ditzy in person but I happen to pick up engineering really easily and recognize when I don't and study extra for those areas. Keep your good friends even if it's just a couple and ignore the rest. You'll be laughing when you are at the top of the class and get your top residency match!

    1. I agree that there is a bit of envy involved.

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  6. At first I did not like people calling you that but then I figured out that it was because you look similar to the woman who plays her. Then I read that the guy said that is why he called you that. I feel that the professor was laughing with you, not at you. He figured that it would be something very entertaining to say and he wanted to kid you or tease you since you look absolutely adorable. You may underestimate how much people like you.

    So you want to watch House Season 4 Episode 16 again. House was one of my favorite shows on TV. The theme is that House is a super genius doctor. You may like it since you see some of that in you. Then they say there is a fine line between genius and madness-- explaining the way he acts.

    I liked the show where the best looking girl is a boy! I checked. It is medically correct. All fetuses starts out as a girl and then the male starts producing testosterone and that changes the girl into a boy. But some fetuses are are not changed by the testosterone so they continue to look like a girl. From wikipedia:

    Androgen insensitivity syndrome (AIS) is a condition that results in the partial or complete inability of the cell to respond to androgens.[1][2][3] The unresponsiveness of the cell to the presence of androgenic hormones can impair or prevent the masculinization of male genitalia in the developing fetus, as well as the development of male secondary sexual characteristics at puberty, but does not significantly impair female genital or sexual development.

    Please do not let the above stop you from writing very personal things in your blog like about your dreams. Writers are unlike others in the world. For example they say that a little autism can make someone a great scientist. Einstein spent many hours thinking about gravity and the speed of light.

    Thomas Jefferson wrote a paper called the Declaration of Independence that changed the world. One more thing! As far as the fine line, Vincent Van Gogh may be the best painter ever. But during his time he was not recognized for being a great painter and had mental problems and was not a happy camper. Also there were theories that the way Thomas Jefferson acted, he may have been autistic.

    More on writers. At one time many people were burned as witches, but J.K. Rowling made witches and warlocks so popular that the Harry Potter movies are the best selling movies ever. So Alexis, "This above all else, to thine own self be true."[

    1. JFK once hosted a dinner at the White House at which people who were present considered the elite of their respective fields. Multiple artists, musicians, scientists -- Nobel Prize winners, etc. President Kennedy said it was possibly the most intelligence and talent ever assembled together in the history of the White House -- except for when Thomas Jefferson dined alone there.

      It's funny that my dad hates "House, MD" so much, because he reminds people of the character except that he has slightly better social skills. Dr. Chase certainly was a pretty boy, and House never missed any opportunity to taunt him about it. sometimes it was the writers' doing, but sometimes it was Hugh Laurie ad-libbing. Jesse Spencer, the actor who played Chase, has more facial hair now in his role on "Chicago Fire," probably to make himself look more manly. Spencer was so young when he started out in the role as Dr. Chase (I think Spencer was only 21, which is really too young for even a genius character to make it through medical school for the most part. i'm 20, and i'm considered young even to be in medical school) that it accentuated his prettiness even more. He laughs about it now and says he looked like he was twelve at the time.

  7. You said "So now I'm both a cutthroat bitch and a person who has stupid and paranoid dreams." I do not see it that way at all. Say someone writes a post on their blog and it is boring. The person reading it will feel like they wasted their time and will not mention the post to anyone.

    Now say that you were a professional writer and your assignment was to make up a fictional blog post that was so entertaining that even a professor will mention it at school and make you famous. Well you did that. Also the dream that you had made you out to be the best creature to ever appear on planet earth-- a human being.

    It is the difference between being a medical doctor or a veterinarian. Veterinarians have a much easier job than MDs. If something is wrong with their patient, they always have a solution-- "Your dog is very sick and needs to be put to sleep." Now if you try that in medical school then either you will be given a bad mark or people will roll over laughing.

    You can say that writers are entertainers. You have not operated on me so I do not know if you will make a good doctor or not. But I have read what you have written and you are a great writer. I love your writing. It is as if I have discovered a hidden treasure. If you look for the best advice online, one thing that stands out is to not take things personally.

  8. I had to split this post since it was too long. There was a comedian that was competing against many other comedians to be on shows. His problem was that he was not funny and knew it. So he made that into a strength. How do you do that? He had an original idea. He would make himself the butt of his jokes.

    It made him very funny and unique and even legendary. His name is Rodney Dangerfield and his jokes make people feel better about themselves. See

    On his wedding day (on above video) he went to put the ring on her finger and she gave him the wrong finger. That's the story of his life-- no respect. He gets no respect at all. He told his psychiatrist that he has no self-esteem and feels like nothing. The psychiatrist said "do not worry about it, you are not worth it."

    Also I was not there, but here is what I think. That guy who asked you about chapter 11, he likes you (it was just an excuse to talk to you). A 20 year old medical student is the most eligible bachelorette at that school. You talk about your father a lot. Why? Because you love him. So that is why this guy is talking about you.

    He may have blushed because his secret may have been becoming obvious. I was talking to a woman at a health food store that I liked. Before that I never talked to her but the place also had a health food restaurant. She was the waitress and I came in with a woman with her 2 young kids.

    When dinner was over the woman and her kids went to look around the health food store. So I was paying the waitress who was also the cashier. She asked if that woman was my wife or girlfriend (a very personal question from someone that I had never talked to before) and I said "no," so now I had a reason to talk to her. So I did that whenever I went in there.

    It was right after Christmas and I asked if she had a good Christmas and she said that she did. I asked her if she got everything that she wanted and she said "No, no one gets everything that they want for Christmas."

    So I told her that I wanted only one thing for Christmas and did not get it and I acted like I was very sad. So she asked what was it. Then I said "Your phone number." She turned more red than I had ever seen anyone become. I would say that she was not embarrassed, but touched.

    As far as fictional TV shows about young genius doctors, there is Doogie Houser M.D. He was a 14 year old medical doctor. The smartest guy who ever lived in real life was the son of 2 medical doctors-- William James Sidis. He was going to Harvard U at age 11. He could learn an entire language in one day. He was a professor at age 17 but students did not like their teacher being younger than them. At 18 months old he could speak 8 languages. His marks at Harvard were Cs because his teachers there did not see eye to eye with him. So some may resent your age at a medical school. Take care.

  9. Thanks for the story about JFK and Thomas Jefferson. This is kind of famous. Do you know how much JFK earned as President? He was paid $1 a year. His point was that he was not doing it for the money but because he loved America. His famous line was "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

    I just had a thought of what you can do for your country, Alexis? Do you think that a female medical doctor can be president of the United States? Here I go putting crazy ideas in your head.

    1. Even in 15 years, i don't think i would be ready, nor would the nation be ready to have someone like me as president. i'd settle for a high-level cabinet position.

    2. I guess you are referring to the age of candidacy since you have to be 35 years old to be president. I bet that you will learn more in 15 years than most people learn in a lifetime.

  10. I do not like there to be unanswered questions. So why does this guy think that you look like Anne Dudek (the actress that plays Amber) or that she looks like you when you disagree. It is possible that he is lying, but I do not think that is the case.

    People see things differently (subjectively instead of objectively). Also if my above theory is correct, then there is a saying to explain this. You have a minor in English so you are familiar with many sayings. Here is the popular saying to explain this.

    "Love is blind." So he thinks that you look like a beautiful TV star. It does not matter if she were 6'5" since I think that he is only talking about the face not the body. Can't a girl look like her father. Maybe you should be disagreeing with anyone that does not think that you look like a beautiful TV star.

    I would say that the way that you look, reminds me of Alicia Silverstone. Note that movie stars can look totally different in different photos. So I would say that you look like the 4th picture on this page of her: These pictures of her were taken 20 years ago so since she is 38 then she was around 18 when these were taken. I have posted this picture of her on Twitter also.

  11. As far as practical applications, you can combine this post with the post where you had the dream and make it one article. Then you have a great story that millions would love to read. Maybe Huffington Post would want to print it. At the top it will say "True story about a 20 year old medical student." Many people who have been in similar situations will relate to it and feel better about themselves. Maybe it would help to heal some people's hearts.

    John Lennon sings in Imagine: "You, you may say
    I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
    I hope some day you'll join us
    And the world will be as one."