Thursday, August 24, 2017

Why Has God Not Stricken a Shitload of People Dead for Revealing Temple Secrets? Calling All Mormon Experts!

Perhaps they should have given in to sick fans' sicker fantasies and married each other.

This morning I thought of a quandary concerning LDS temple proceedings. I asked my dad about it. He said he had no idea. I asked him to call his father in Salt Lake City, who should know the answers to such things. My dad said he only talks to his father on such occasions when it's an absolute obligation, and he had no intention whatsoever of calling his father on a random Thursday in August when no one in our family has died or is in the immediate process of dying.

I am, therefore, asking anyone who comes across this blog to PLEASE answer my question if you know the answer.

How is the following quandary solved according to LDS doctrine?

A LDS woman went through the temple to receive her endowments and be granted permission to wear sacred underwear on the day of or a few days before her wedding. She was given a secret new name at that time. Her betrothed was told the name so that he would know what it was, and would only bring her through the veil if she knew her name.

The woman was told not to disclose the name to anyone and not to discuss the matter.

Then her husband became a cheater. Or perhaps he decided that he no longer believed in the teachings of the LDS church. Or perhaps he decided that he liked the teachings of the LDS church too much, to the extent that he wanted to follow his religion in the old style of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, and wanted to be allowed to marry as many women as he could service. Or maybe the woman and the man simply grew apart. Or maybe he discovered that he had same-sex attraction and wanted to act upon it. or maybe she never actually went through with the wedding in the first place after the endowment and after having been brought through the veil in the temple by the guy who was to be her husband before one of the two of them changed their minds?

In any event, the man and the woman divorced (or were never married in the first place). Their temple sealing was dissolved or canceled (or never happened). The man may or may not have remarried in the temple. The woman did remarry in the temple. Perhaps this would seem to be enough of a happily-ever-after scenario to you. If such is the case, you have not considered all the angles.

How is the new husband supposed to know the woman's secret name if she's not supposed to tell anyone? For that matter, how does any man learn his wife's new name if  she goes through the temple for her own endowments for some reason or other at a time when he's not there if she's not supposed to tell anyone what her secret name is? Something seems fishy here. The Church makes all these rules, but I've never heard of any Mormon being concerned about this before, so chances are that someone is talking about things they have been told NOT to talk about. 

What is the protocol concerning informing new spouses about old secret names? And what about if two husbands know a woman's secret name? What if the original husband says he has moved on, but he really hasn't, in an emotional sense, and he still knows his ex-wife's secret name? What if he manages to get himself posited into the right place to bring his ex through the veil? The wife is unsuspecting and thinks it's the right person bringing her through the veil, or whatever, and then VOILA! She gets through or across and sees that she has been facilitated into eternity by someone she wasn't at all expecting to see there. What does she do then?

Or does she get a new secret name so that the old husband, in case he's not on the up and up, doesn't know her more current secret name? That way she would have two secret names. Then, if she decided after the fact that maybe she screwed up in dumping the original spouse and would have been better off without a new spouse and a new secret name, she can forget she ever knew the second (or third, or fourth) one, then go back to the old one, and when two spouses are waiting for her at the veil, she'll know which one to go to or with even if she doesn't recognize the voice because she'll know which name goes with which husband.

What if they really give separate wives' temple names for each marriage, and then, just by luck of the draw, a woman got the same temple name both times? They do recycle the names, I've been told. That would seem to be tempting the fates if the original husband wasn't the sort to be trusted.

The woman could still get the names or the husbands confused, particularly if she's someone like Marie Osmond, who married someone in the temple, divorced that guy, married someone else in the temple, divorced him, then married the first guy in the temple again. Did she seriously have the same secret name all three times? And Marie's esposo numero dos seems like a potentially nefarious character. I could seriously seem him showing up at the veil or wherever such transactions are to be conducted and attempting some sort of celestial coup, tricking and kidnapping Marie right there at the veil! I shouldn't be so worried, though. Even if rank-and-file LDS women get just one temple name, people like Osmonds are probably sufficiently worthy to be given as many temple names as they need or want. Marie probably gets a new temple name each time she changes the color of her fingernails if that's what her heart desires. She probably doesn't even have to physically reappear at the temple to get a new name. There's probably a special phone line or web site just for Marie and the other seven-digit tithers (we're talking about cumulative tithing here, not annual) for anytime they need new temple names or any other special privileges. 

I'm quite concerned about this. It could potentially affect thousands if not millions of people with the divorce rate being what it is.


  1. Wow... reading about Mormon marriage rituals makes my brain hurt. I think the most important thing to remember is that it's all a bunch of horse shit. Anything beyond that is pure trivia.

  2. I just wonder how they're rationalizing it all in their own minds according to their own nonsensical system. The idea of not telling one's secret name, then marrying someone at a different time who didn't bring you through the veil had never before occurred to me. Also, if a woman has her endowment at a time when she's not being married, some other guy brings her through the veil and knows her real secret name. for that matter, since it's common knowledge that everyone who goes through the temple on a given day gets the same secret name, all the other people going through the veil on behalf of the departed would also know the bride's new name. If you really believed in all that hooey, you'd know that there are all sorts of scenarios under which knowledge of a bride's secret name could be used against her. I'm glad I don't believe in it.

  3. You whisper your new name to your groom just before he ushers you through the veil, of course. Don't worry about the little things, god will work them out. (That's what I was told when I asked too many questions). As long as we're discussing names, it's worth noting that the woman never learns the name of her husband, if she is a good enough wife to be "called up" to the celestial kingdom, maybe she can know then.
    Everyone who went through the temple on the day I did received "Ruth" as their new name. Unless their name was actually Ruth, then they got Eve. Not secret, not sacred.

    1. Thanks so much , Heather! I thought it was the case that everyone receiving his or her own endowments on a given day in the temple got the same name. I didn't realize that if the nom du jour was one's actual name, he or she would be given another new name. Do you know if the same name is given out in all temples on given day, or if each temple president or matron gets to select the names?

      I will read the link you posted. some of my questions may be answered there.


  5. How do Mormons ever get around to god stuff with all these entertaining rituals to go through? Do any Mormons ever stand up in the temple and scream out, "This is totally silly!"? It wouldn't surprise me if they did.

    1. I've never heard of anyone calling out the truth right in the middle of temple ceremony, but it probably has happened. People frequently ask if Mormons are Christians. My personal opinion is that anyone can be a follower of Christ no matter what his or her religion even if it's no religion. The problem with Mormonism in relation to Christianity is what you said, which is that there's very little time left for it after all the mumbo jumbo.

  6. Wow, my ex-wife asked my permission to marry her new fiancee in the temple (I'm gay and divorced her after finally coming out at age 49, never having told anyone I was gay). I know her new name, and I guess I could just go ahead and tell him, since I have his contact information because he had asked me to persuade her to give up hope of me ever coming back to Mormonism. I kindly told her to finally give up on me becoming Mormon ever again, and so, I guess I could just tell them both I know her new name and maybe that'd put a crack in one or both of their shelves about how silly the whole thing is! The whole "permission" thing about threw me into an emotional tailspin, until, like someone has said here, you finally realize the whole thing is horse shit and why does it still hurt so much to think about it!