Sunday, January 12, 2014

Nothing is missed with Tena Twist.

Join me in a whopping case of the hibby-jibbies.

Some things should be missed. On my list of things that are best missed,  Tena Twist commercials rank pretty damned high . Is anyone else overly creeped out by the Tena twist commercials? I'm referring to the ones in which late middle-aged women gyrate allover television screens to the tune of the tuneless Tena Twist jingle. Perhaps the commercials appeal to people who need the product. Maybe the commercials are even making headway toward  de-stigmatizing the previously taboo topic of  female incontinence.

As for me, I really don't care. Some subjects are best left taboo, and for  good reason. Face it, dear reader: the act of wetting oneself is not presently, nor will it be at any time in the foreseeable future except  perhaps in the very kinkiest of settings,  cause for praise, honor,  or adulation.  Sometimes people need a reality check. The people promoting Tena Twist products are most definitely among those who would benefit from a heaping does of how things are in the real world.

Furthermore, the Tena twist commercials are so bad that the only effect they could possibly have on the overall level of stigma related to female incontinence would be to worsen it.  The women gyrating all over my television screen would do nothing to make the condition of incontinence less of an embarrassment were I suffering from the condition of incontinence. I desire no commonality whatsoever with those creatures, which is also a reason why I wouldn't by tena twist products even if I had a need for them. If the choice were between using Tena Twist products or manufacturing  my own solution to the problem, I would use Pampers, old sofa cushions, or whatever absorbent material I could obtain either lawfully or otherwise to craft a suitable alternative.

Before seeing the Tena Twist commercial,  I had a more-than-adequate reserve of subject matter to fuel my nightmares for at least the next forty years. Now, with the addition of Tena Twist-related cognitive trauma, my bank of substance for nightmares has been bumped up to fifty years at the barest minimum..

All the Tena Twist commercials have accomplished for me is to guarantee that :a) any baby to whom  I ever give birth will be delivered by Caesarean section whether or not any obstetrician on the planet thinks there is a medical necessity for such, and I'm willing to use the medical knowledge I will have accrued by the time I find myself pregnant to surgically remove my own  the baby in the unlikely event that I cannot find an OB-GYN whose Mercedes payments alone will not persuade him to perform the procedure; b) any baby I have will be surgically removed the day an ultrasound indicates that he's reached the grand sum of six pounds, ready or not. My uncle told me that vaginal deliveries and large babies are both contributory factors to female incontinence.

If anyone reading this actually likes the Tena Twist commercials, we'll have to agree to disagree.


  1. GMTA... I wanted to post about this myself months ago, but couldn't find a link to the ad.

  2. Notice how the commercials have been re-edited so the tone-deaf singer has been replaced by a "professional" sounding group of singers that aren't much better?

    Also, it's impossible to tell the name of the product by listening to the song alone. Doesn't that bother the people who made the commercial?

    1. Tena pads, liners, and guards are by far the best. But the ad is horrible. They should keep it off TV.

    2. I hadn't even considered the possibility of the product itself being high-quality. You are, however,, absolutely right in that, if such is the case, the corporation is doing itself and its potential customers a disservice with this ad. Madison Avenue and the production company need to have a meeting.