Monday, July 21, 2014

The Gasteroenterologist from Purgatory

how a GastroMan spends his spare time

The gastroenterologist from Hell paid me a visit today.  I've upgraded his title to "The Gastroenterologist from Purgatory."  He said someone told him I feel really lousy anytime I have to leave the house, so he actually did a house call. Pretty much every word that came out of his mouth today was civil. If he maintains this sort of behavior, he may soon find himself permanently off my Demonic List.

The doctor said to give it until next Monday, then to force myself out of the house, even if it's only for short trips to the beach, and even if I have to sleep for three hours after I get home. He reminded me not to fall asleep on the beach. he didn't really need to tell me that, as a friend of mine from the dorm did that, and had the most severe sunburn I've even seen.  he told me not to go to the beach by myself unless I see a group of people there who appear to be students, and I'm comfortable sitting very near them. I already knew that as well, but I acted as though he was giving me particularly sage advice.

He complimented me on my  room decor.  He said he'd never seen a kid's bedroom with a grand piano in it. He also told me he'd never seen a home with three grand pianos. I told him my parents were considering purchasing a fourth piano -- this one  for the third story landing right outside the master  bedroom. He looked at me as though I was criminally insane. I told him it wasn't my idea and  thought it was just as ridiculous as he thought it was. He responded that he never said he thought it was nuts. I told him that he didn't have to say it; I could tell by the expression on his face that he thought the whole concept was bat-shit crazy. He just laughed and said that when the big earthquake hits, he hopes he's not in our house.  "You and me both, " I told him.


  1. You have a wonderful manner and a way with words. It's hilarious that your "Gastro doc" didn't sign you up for a colonoscopy. That's how they pay for that yacht which sits at the dock. Laparoscopies pay for the Jag or whatever they drive and all the toys they have. Yes... they are a special breed of doctor. It seems like he's more interested in mentoring you in human behavior. Sounds like a nice man, even if he goes "off topic" in these visits. House calls... those were the days. I don't really mean to be judgmental of him, it's just that all doctors today seem to want to test all the new medical devices and gizmos. They need "subjects." (a.k.a. guinea pigs) ~ LOL

    1. He did my surgery to cauterize three ulcerations by colonoscopy, so that's like a Super-Colonoscopy. You're right about all of us being guinea pigs.

  2. It sounds like your doc isn't so bad... though I would definitely look sideways at anyone who wanted to stick tubes in me and look at my insides.