Friday, January 26, 2018

Role Reversal, The Times,:They are a'Changing, etc..

I often type blogs when either my state of rest or my state if vision is such that I'm barely qulified to fluch a toilet, much less to write anything that someone else might actually read. A particular day in November was one such day. The edited version reappears here in the event that you saw the original version.  While I cannot guarantee that the editing job was perfect, as i do have ointment in my eyes, I can verify that the blog does not contain the word covfefe.  

The blog was written an the conclusionof an emotionally taxing day. I don't remember everything about the day, but what I dio remember is that itsevents underscored for me the point that one day -- sooner raher tha later for mny of us -- we'e going to be making medical decisions for our parents. For me, it may be later rather than sooner. My mom and dad are 52 and 53 respecitvely, and they're a young 52 and 53. Still, things happen, and my brother and I may be forced in the positions of holding power-of-attorney and of making ife-altering choices sonner than we're prepared to do so.

It doesn't seem quite right. It was a mere nine yearsw ago, I believe, when my dad snuck into my room in the wee hours of the morning to administer a flu immunixation while I was still sleeping that I had steadfastly refused to be given. His choice had been to hogtie me or to give me the shot before I was alert enough to do anything about it. My response was to wake up the entire neighborhoodeith my screaming tirade. Now, I could be doing the very same thing to him within a relatively short number of years.  

From my point of view, we as humans grow up too slowly but grow old too rapidly. I don't want things to change in this way. I want my parents to remain in the primes of their lives forever. Alas, what I want and what are likely to happen may be two very different things. 

It wasn't all that long ago in the grand scheme of things that my brother was, in a voice laden with both threatening and glee, reminding my parents -- my father in particular -- that he, my brother, would be the one who selected my dad's retirement facility, so my father would be wise to take that into account when making choices involving my brother between now and then. Now it's something even my brother doesn't relish. We both hope it never happens.  It's peculiar how much a person's perspective can change in such a relatively short period of time.


  1. I'm grateful that my mom made that choice for herself and my dad. I'm guessing my sister will be doing everything else, since it's a role she doesn't seem keen to share. But she's older than your parents are.

    1. In one-kid families, I feel for the kid, It all gets dumped on the one kid, like it or not. (Brooke Shileds is/was an only child, She had two kids in part for that reason.)

      In larger families, there's often one controlling type who wants to do and control everything, which is great as long as that person doesn't take upon herself. (It's often a female) to try to tell everyone else what to do too much of the time. Asking for help is one thing. Dictating qa schedule for everyone is quite another. i suppose Matthew and I will negotiate as the time gets closer, though the daughter often gets dumped with the bulk of the workload when there's a male kid/female kid scenario.

      It could be quite a fiasco with my paternal grandparents. I can see ome of my dad's siblings wanting to be paid for services. If they need travel epnses reimbursed of if on or the other lives with one of them, I can see being reimbursed the expenses. But if they're doing the saem thing as everyone else i -- just taking turns --- i can't see how they should be paid before anyone's death for anything except that for which they cannot pay without money up front. If I were my dad's siblings, I wouln't let the couple who took care of me with broken bones and a kidney infection and almost let me die of smoke inhalation have charge of them for anything. truthfully, I probably wouldn't care if they took charge of my grandfather, and my dad probably feels the same way. I wouldn't want them to have anything to do with my grandmother, though, even though there have been plenty of times when she hasn't been the nnicest to me. My grandmother isn't stupid, though; she may have dictated in the will or trust that they are not to have physical care of her or any say in her care operations. I can see them sticking her in the cheapest shithole convalescent hospital in the state and pocketing what's left over if they could get away with it.

    2. Ugh... that is really sad. I hate it when families fight over this kind of thing.

      Bill is his mom's only child. When it's her time, we'll be dealing with the arrangements. With my mom, though, I basically get dictated to. I'm the youngest and they don't let me forget it.

  2. Fortunately for me my parents were pretty self-sustaining until the end. My brother and I went back and forth from Minnesota to Florida taking turns looking after them. We both spent the last month with my father, at his home with a bit of help from hospice care, before he died. My wife, from a one-kid family, got saddled with some tough decisions. At least I was there to help. Hopefully you won't need to worry about your parents for another 30 or 40 years.

    1. I hope my parents still have a few good years.

      I know some people have no choice as to how many offspring to produce (your wife was very fortunate to have your help) but having seen singletons care for aging and dying parents alone is enough to convince me that having just one kid intentionally isn't the world's greatest idea. It's still probably better than having nineteen kids, though.