Saturday, January 29, 2011

Nice Diversion

Pseudo-Aunt and Uncle are in my area for the weekend for doctor's appointments and job interviews. Pseudo-Aunt has adult-diagnosed cystic fibrosis, and, because she and Pseudo-Uncle will likely move to somewhere in the southern California area when Pseudo-Uncle begins his residency this summer, she chose to begin treatment here since she had so little remaining time in Utah. Pseudo-Uncle had two interviews for residency positions. They're staying here for the weekend because one interview was Friday and the other is Monday morning.

Pseudo-Aunt's appointment was OK. It's not as though there appears to be sufficient lung damage since she was last seen about six weeks ago. The problem is that the doctor really wanted her to gain weight, and she lost two pounds even with drinking four bottles of water before she weighed in. She was sick twice in the past six weeks, which undid any hope of even maintaining weight.

Pseudo-Aunt and Pseudo-Uncle were both in slighly bad moods last night, she because the doctor ragged on her so much, and he because the doctor told him it was his responsibility to do whatever he had to do to make her gain weight. So he nagged her throughout dinner about not eating enough. I attempted to make things better by eating less than she did in order to make it seem like she was eating an acceptable amount by comparison, but that only caused Pseudo-Uncle to nag at her more, saying she was a poor example for me. Then he started hassling me about my eating habits and how I needed to gain even more weight than Pseudo-Aunt.

Today we walked around the campus I'm likely to attend next year. The director of my facility had obtained permission for me run hurdles and to dive at the facilities there. We all ran hurdles. Pseudo-Aunt is really good considering she'd never done it before. She's short but long-legged, as I am. Long legs are a decided asset in hurdling. We were both better than Pseudo-Uncle. Pseudo-Uncle dove with me. He has some natural diving ability and no apparent fear, but he looks somewhat like an ape in the air when he's diving.

It was my turn to pick the restaurant at dinner. i picked a "===== ========
rewing Company," which is a local restaurant I've been to with the director of my facility and his family. His daughter -- the one who's a complete brat and is supposedly a younger version of me even though I don't see the resemblance -- likes the restaurant because it appeals to picky eaters, which I also am. The Pseudos liked it well enough, although we had the same arguments as at dinner the night before. This time I wasn't even trying to pick at my food.

I'm staying with the Pseudos at their hotel for the next two nights.(I checked for bedbugs, as I always do at hotels. I've never been in a hotel with bedbigs as far as I know, but one can never be too careful in that regard.) When we got back to the hotel room, Pseudo-Uncle sat on one of the beds and asked Pseudo-Aunt and me which of us wanted to be beaten first. It was a bit unsettling to me, but Pseudo-Aunt whispered, "On the count of two, run right at him. We can take him." Even the two of us together couldn't take him (he weighs a few pounds more than the combined weights of the two of us), but he didn't beat us. He was joking.

We're watching an episode of "House." A velociraptor is crashing through the glass of the hospital lobby and attacking the people. More correctly, a patient is hallucinating that it is happening. We're actually semi-watching, and all of us are on our laptops. Pseudo-Uncle is remaining in the room under protest while "House" is on the TV. He hates all medical programs, as do all doctors, my dad included, which means that I have to love all medical shows. Being oppositional is hard work at times. Pseudo-Uncle especially hates "House," but Pseudo-Aunt likes it because she thinks the doctor who plays the character of "Chase" looks like Pseudo-Uncle.

Tomorrow we're sleeping late, eating brunch, going to the beach, and eating a take-out lunch there, then eating dinner. Pseudo-Uncle says that the effort of getting Pseudo-Aunt and me to gain weight is turning him into a manatee. I'm staying with the Pseudos until Monday morning, when they will return me to my facility before Pseudo-Uncle has his last interview. I'm going to fly to Utah to visit them in about two weeks.


  1. Why not get Pseudo-Aunt to try the ice cream diet?

    The trick is that no matter what flavour you have, always add double cream to it.

    Also, in the UK there is a product called Slimfast, aimed at helping people to lose weight. They are diet shakes, though they make diet bars, too. If you and Pseudo-Aunt drink the shakes and eat the bars, that should boost calorific intake and help to add some weight to you both.

  2. PS I mean as well as regular meals.

  3. Matt, I can't tolerate any of those liquid nutrition supplements. They make me barf. My parents used to force me to drink them under threat of corporal punishment when I was younger, but it got to the point that I said "Go ahead and hit me because I can't drink it," and they finally realized that I wouldn't will myself to throw it up because then I'd have to taste it going down and coming back up. My dad created a formula with ice cream and additives that is bad but not as bad as the commercially-prepared stuff. At home he makes it for me. At the facility, the pharmcay mixes it up and the director forces me to drink it. Drinking it keeps me from losing more weight but I can't gain. If I could drink more of it I probably would gain, but my stomach can only handle so much. The fake candy bars take up too much room in my stomach.

    Pseudo-Aunt can't have too much dairy in her diet because of cystic fibrosis, and the non-dairy formulae taste even grosser thsn the dairy forumlae. She could eat the candy bars in place of a meal but not in addition to it. What she should have had when she was a kid was supplemental nutrition from a tube through her nose to her stomach while she was sleeping. Usually they don't do that with adults, but if she doesn't put on weight she may have to have it even though she's twenty-three.

  4. The "as well as regular meals' reminds me of a book I read when I was little. I used to read murder mysteries by Joan Hess in the early grades of elementary school. In one of them, the protagonist, Claire Malloy, had a daughter named Caron who was desperately trying to lose weight and purchased Slimfast or some similar product for that purpose, and couldn't figure out why she was gaining weight instead of losing it. It ended up that she was too stupid to know that she needed to have the Slimfast in place of a meal instead of in addition to it. She thought there was something magical in the Slimfast formula that would just melt weight away no matter what else she ate. Fictional character, of course, but funny.

  5. In that case, just go for the Slimfast bars. They don't taste too bad and are chock full of calories.

    I have a colleague at work who is as thick as a plank. She keeps going on about her diet. She would sit and eat nuts all day in the office, because they are healthy. DOH!!

  6. thanks, Matt. i'll tell the director I want my dad to get some for me.