Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Pseudo-Illness andd My New Religion

I'm still barking like a seal and not allowed to go anywhere. My mom is forcing me to drink stuff constantly. I don't know if she really believes that it helps anything, but she wants to do something and that's the only thing she can think of to do other than to give me high octane cough syrup four times a day. I HATE cough syrup. For the most part I would prefer to deal with whatever respiratory distress I have as opposed to putting that vile stuff in my mouth. When I was younger it took both parents to pin me down and plug my nose until I opened my mouth, then squirt it down my throat with a syringe. Now my mom just says she'll call my dad if I make her spill the stuff. If it's in my room, I certainly don't want it spilled anyway because I don't want ugly smelly purple stains on my rugs or bedding. I need to be sure to be in another room when she tries to give the stuff to me.

Last night I had to have a steroid injection before I went to bed. This was totally adding insult to injury. Not only am I stuck at home and not only can I not have overnight company, but now I must violate my religious principles. I know that I am officially Catholic (though I was excommunicated along with me entire family by one priest; see my May blogs if you're curious) and sort of Mormon because I was blessed against my parents' will in an LDS chapel, but someday I plan to form my own religion
based on my own personal likes and dislikes. I'm not going to be the next Joseph Smith or Aimee Semple MacPherson or whatever her name was or anything like that. I won't evangelize -- in fact I won't even allow anyone else to join my religion. It will just be a church of one, and it will be against my religion to do anything I don't want to do. I'll just keep on adding rules about things I can't do every time anyone tries to get me to do something I don't want to do. It will be so great. If some doctor tries to get me to have an injection or take liquid medicine, I'll say, "Sorry. It's against my religion to have shots or to take liquid medicine," and that will be the end of it.

I will be very happy to be over this pseudo-illness. Being confined to this house is making me stir-crazy. Three of my friends are coming here this evening but they'll have to leave by 10:30. Invalid Alexis has to get her rest even if she can't fall asleep.


  1. I loved codeine!

    But it took me ages to quite my addiction to codeine. Seriously. Apparently it is as addictive as heroin/opium, of which it is a derivative.

  2. Hi Matt!
    Unfortunately there's a he!! of a lot more phenergan in my cough syrup than actual codeine. Equally unfortunate is that the cough syrup tastes like $h!t so I have a tough time downing enough to get a decent buzz. Alas, opiate addiction is probably not in the cards for me this week, which is also unfortunate in its own way, because if I were to go back to my facility addicted sometime next week, my shrinks might actually have something with which they could help me.
    Alexis the Barking Seal

  3. My then doctor, knowing I had a codeine problem, have me a prescription for pure codeine linctus for a cough I had.

    After surveying the bottle for a long, long time, I poured it down the bathroom washbasin. Probably one of the wisest decisions I have ever made!

  4. Matt,
    It probably was a wise decision. if you still had it, my brother would probaably offer to buy it from you. He thinks codeine cough syrup tastes good for some unknown reason. There's apparently no accounting for tastes.