I've never been a huge Carpenters' fan, although I think Karen's voice was lovely. I wasn't around when this song came out,or, for that matter, when Karen Carpenter was alive, but the song suits my state of mind right now.
The weeks finals have taken their toll on me, and I haven't been up to doing much of anything since Wednesday evening. nevertheless, I dragged myself out of bed, showered, put on actual clothing, and dried and straightened my hair, as Jared has never seen me with curls, and I wasn't ready for a total freak-out on his part. I may as well have stayed in bed and slept, which is what I felt more like doing anyway, as he did a complete no-show. Also a no-call, no-explanation, and no apology, I might add. I would not have minded so much had I not gotten out of bed and made myself presentable when it was the last thing I actually felt like doing, but I did it anyway because it was a previous obligation. s of this morning when we spoke briefly on the phone, his visit was still on.
My mother says that I need to do two things. The first, she says, is to give Jared a bit of a break, as he's going through all sorts of emotional struggles at the moment, with his father still not speaking to him, his parents' marriage still suffering a bit as a result, and the only religion he's ever known somewhat turning its back on him. She also says I need not to put too many of my eggs in Jared's basket, so to speak. I should not allow him to think he owns me or that I can't find anyone else to date if he stands me up or otherwise flakes out on me. Time will tell, my mother says, whether or not Jared is decent long-term relationship material, but at this point in time he has shown himself to be more than a little flaky. She says the two of us have all the time in the world to sort that out, but that by limiting myself to dating him, I'm giving him the idea that I have no other options, and it's not a good thing for him to think, whether he has my name tattooed on his arm or not.
What my mom is ignoring is that the boys who are my age or older are just graduating from high school. They'll hit the university campus in the fall, but even when they do, I'll still look a bit like jail bait to them. I don't need to get too heavily involved with anyone right at this moment, as medical school (ideally) or law school (if medical school doesn't work out or if I chicken out at the last minute) will happen in just over a year most likely. Between that, I have relatively few difficult courses but two different senior recitals on which to concentrate. A serious relationship that makes concentrating on my recitals and makes it tough to leave town to attend whatever program I end up in will not be an asset to my future. Still, I need someone with whom I can attend an occasional event, or just to hang out with so I don't turn into a hermit.
Freshman boys, bring it on! I'm waiting.
