Saturday, February 28, 2015

Your Last Meal

Knotty's post and my most recent blog, along with Becca's reply, have me thinking about last meals.  Most of us -- and I suppose it's a good thing -- will not have the luxury of choosing a last meal.  A "last meal" situation is usually a "death row" type of thing or, I suppose if you stretched your imagination a bit, maybe you could have been kidnapped by the mob or some other nefarious force who planned to off you but benevolently decided you should have your choice of culinary delights before your execution-style shooting, hanging, or whatever manner of death was chosen for you. (Isn't this a most uplifting conversational topic?)

For the most part, however, God or some prophet or doctor doesn't appear in front of you and say, "Guess what? You're dying in 90 minutes! Now what would you like to eat?" And even if it did happen that way, you probably wouldn't waste your remaining ninety minutes eating. 

Actually, I think a death sort of happened in that way once on House, MD.  And we all know that House, MD, bomb ass series though it might have been, was the ultimate  
[ note:sarcasm font] realistic TV drama. House, MD was almost as true-to-life as any TV show featuring the Kardashians and Bruce Jenner. At least House, MD categorized itself as fiction, and the actors and writing were good.

a still photo from the actual episode "Wilson's Heart"

Anyway, Wilson's girlfriend, Amber  -- the one House hated with a passion and called "Cuttthroat Bitch"  throughout the reality series competition within the actual series that he held for the purpose of determining which doctors he would hire to replace Foreman, Chase, and Cameron on his team of fellows  --  was dying of some ailment brought on by a bus wreck, I think. Wilson had the choice of letting her die in peace or using drugs to bring her out of her coma so that she could say goodbye to everyone. Of course he woke her up; where would the drama have been if he'd just let her quietly die?

Anyway, she stayed awake as long as she could, bidding both friends and enemies fond farewells, before spending her final moments embracing Wilson until she could maintain consciousness no longer. Then she drifted off into sleep and death. The point here is that at no point did anyone ask Cutthroat Bitch what she wanted to eat or even if she wanted a final meal.  It's not a reality-based concept.  It's just something some states (not all, apparently) offer their condemned prisoners, maybe to somehow make themselves feel better about what it is they're about to do to the person.
My dad suggested it also hydrates the person, making veins easier to access if lethal injection is the means of execution. My dad is a cynic, as am I. We look for ulterior motives everywhere.

Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand: what would be your choice of a last meal?

I thought when I initially saw this photo that bobby might actually be eating some of his famous fried chicken, but a close look reveals a sesame seed bun. Doesn't Bobby Flay bear an uncanny resemblance to that Alfred E. Newman character from Mad Magazine.?

I told Becca that I would want four strips of crisp bacon, one very small chicken breast fried according to Bobby Flay's recipe, and one cherry-limeade from Sonic. If I could get one more thing down, it would be this: I would eat one teaspoon of vanilla butter cream frosting. My mom stopped asking me what kind of birthday cake I wanted a long time ago. She makes whatever cake Matthew wants, since we share a birthday. She either makes a batch or buys a can of white frosting - not that gawdawful whipped cream stuff, but real butter cream -- for me. Then everyone is happy.

colloid of the Gods

My mom can relate to my love of frosting because she likes 
it, too. She likes sugary stuff in general. When she was pregnant, she took a glucose tolerance test in which she had to drink a bottle of really sugary drink, then have a blood test right after, then a few hours later. Most people practically gag when they drink the stuff, apparently, and have a tough time getting the fluid down. Some don't get it down. My mom asked for an extra bottle of the glucose tolerance test substance and wanted to know if there was a place where she could buy it or from which she could order it.  We also eat brown sugar straight out of the box. Fortunately for both of us, our blood sugar readings are on the very low end of normal.  If either of us ever developed diabetes in any form, we'd probably last a week at best.

my mom's libation of choice except that she doesn't know where to buy it

Anyway I've shared my ideal last meal with you. Tell me what yours is if you have the time. Respond in the comments section here, email me at, or tweet me at
Alexis A. Rousseau @theangelalexis. I'm most curious as to what your answers might be.


  1. Good question. I have many different favorite foods, but I'm not always in the mood for them. I suspect I would want some really fresh bread with top quality butter. Maybe a really greasy cheeseburger, fried chicken, or barbecue. A baked potato with really good butter and a little salt. And cherry cheesecake, but not the really heavy New York style. I like my cheesecake more like a pie. Or perhaps Black Forest cake? It's hard to say, though, because my favorite foods vary depending on my mood and the time of the month. I'm not a fan of health food, as you can see, but if I'm about to die anyway, who cares?

  2. Hi Alexis!
    I've been reading your blog for a while but never commented (saw a link on RFM and thought your writing was awesome and hilarious). I'm not sure what my last meal would be, I change favorite foods everyday but right now I think a giant indian Buffett with all my favorites sounds excellent.

    Also wanted to comment that I have a horrible sweet tooth but the glucose drink in my first pregnancy almost made me pass out. Horrible. For some reason the second time it was the best thing ever because it was fruit punch flavored and cold and I had been craving fruit punch the entire pregnancy to that point but usually I don't drink juice so it was awesome.

    Also just wanted to say as part of my introduction that I'm not creepy but your blog has kept me very entertained after the birth of my second baby a couple months ago. I'm also jealous because I'm pretty sure I have guessed where you go to school because I did my grad school there too (engineering so don't judge my writing to harshly) and I'm currently living in a very cold climate and wish I was back in the sun.

    Anyway thanks so much for the blog! Cheers me up whenever you post! Hope your foot is feeling better!

    1. An engineering degree at Leland's Farm is nothing at which to scoff. Thanks for letting me know you've been reading. O'm not creeped out in the least by regular readers because that's why I publish my blog.

      I hope things are gong well with you little ones. My own mom tells me that her stay-at-home days were the most rewarding but also the most difficult of her life, except for thentime following the twins she lost before she had my brother and me. for awhile, anyway, that is.

      i envy those whose gastric systems tolerate really spicy stuff.

      P.S. It was the fruit punch stuff that my mom liked, too.

  3. If I ate that combination of "food" at any meal it would likely be my last. :)
    I like your dad's reasoning for a last meal and I share his cynicism.