Friday, September 15, 2017

As If One Person Named Kellyanne Were Not Already One Too Many



the love child of Kellyanne Conway and Donald Trump


My most recent post prior to this one was about neonates.  I'm presently up to my eyeballs in my neonatal rotation. It's probably fair to say that I have newborn babies on my brain in a serious way right now. Hence, it is altogether fitting that I should share this next bit of news with my readers.

The wife of my cousin Franklin, who is the eldest son of one of my father's sisters, gave birth to her fourth child over three weeks ago. Somehow this news blurb temporarily escaped my radar. For that matter, I hadn't even been aware that Skayleen (pronounce like the triangle), the new mother, was knocked up again, though in retrospect the news shouldn't come as much of a shock. Skayleen has given birth every eleven months since she and Franklin made things permanent -- as in eternal -- in the St. George Temple just a week shy of forty-five months ago. 

In the case of this particular birth, it isn't so much the baby herself who is newsworthy. While I admit to, in my previous blog,  having waxed philosophical about the miraculous nature of childbirth, particularly when the outcome is a healthy child, it isn't the wonder associated with the miracle of birth that has motivated me to share with you the news of my family's newest member. still, I would assume that this latest addition to the family of Franklin and Skayleen is without noticeable defect, as the baby's grandmother is the rather acquisitive Aunt Elyse, who is known more for the degree to which she is motivated by any possibility of financial gain than for any other quality she possesses, and she is the possessor of one green eye and one blue one.  Aunt Elyse almost certainly would have organized and held a telethon for the benefit of the kid and herself by now had there been any sign of congenital anomaly as significant as a broken toenail. 

What is most significant about the birth of my newest first-cousin-once-removed is the rather unfortunate name with which her parents chose to afflict her. The poor kid has been named Kellyanne. To the best of the knowledge of my Uncle Michael, Franklin and Skayleen aren't especially rabid fans of Kellyanne Conway, although Skayleen told my uncle that she thinks Ms. Conway is "really smart," and hopes that some intelligence by association might coincidentally rub off on the baby.  God help us all if it does. God help the baby regardless.

I cannot fucking believe it. 

8 comments:

  1. I would presume a mental defect of one named Kellyanne. Or the parents of such.

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    Replies
    1. It would seem to be a fairly accurate presumption.

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  2. Oh my. I believe I know this family!

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    Replies
    1. I wouldn't be surprised. There's almost never more than three degrees of separation between any two Mormons or former Mormons. Two degrees is often the case with Mormons in the U.S.

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  3. Replies
    1. That just about sums it up. What else is there to say?

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