Thursday, February 13, 2014

Will the Real Daniel Kretchmer Please Stand Up?

I'm still in Utah and will remain here for another fifty-seven hours or so. I will be here on Valentine's Day. The local lore is that polygamist Danny or Daniel (or some say Stanley) Kretchmer comes down from the hills during the night on Valentine's Day to take a new young bride. The legend is less than clear as to whether "during the night on Valentine's Day" means the wee a.m. hours of February 14 or the remaining evening hours before midnight. Since I will be here on both days, Ill be cautious even though I think the legend is nothing more than some local Mormon's vanilla extract-induced hallucination.  Mormons are prone to local folk tales, with their talk of The Three Nephites and other stories. Come to think of it, perhaps Kretchmer is one of The Three Nephites.

At the same time, I'm not going to do anything totally stupid. Alyssa's friends wanted to do the six p.m. until midnight ski run on the night of Valentine's Day. Alyssa can do what she wants, but I'm not participating. I don't honestly believe Danny or Stanley Kretchmer or whatever his name is or was really is lurking, but it's not beyond possibility that some other perv could be hiding in the shadows, looking for an under-aged girl to nab. While I'm not technically under-aged, no one would ever believe such to be the case from looking at me.

Uncle Scott was teasing both Alyssa and me about Martin MacNeill and how he supposedly had an escape from prison planned for this week. Martin MacNeill was a local doctor who was convicted of drugging his wife and drowning her in a bathtub. His home was only about 1.5 miles from here. After I had my last bad dream, Scott stopped all the Martin MacNeill talk. My money is on the theory that Scott's wife threatened to withhold consortium if he did not cease and desist. Regardless, I'm not hearing anything more about Martin MacNeill, though the damage has already been done.  For the record, I'm not in any way attempting to make light of the tragic fate of the late Michele MacNeill, who appears to have been a lovely person.

I have two more days to snowboard, after which it's back to the old grind, though it's not all that much of a grind. Courses that I'm technically taking this quarter were deferred from earlier quarters, so I've already done all the work. My labor-intensive days consist of sitting on the beach.  I worked very hard in earlier quarters, though, and will do so in medical school as well, and have earned the right to be a lady of leisure.

I'm not sure which of these images most closely aligns with my perception of the Pleasant Grove Polygamist, but if there ever were such a character, he'd almost have to be one of the three.


  1. Those photos are creepy! I plan to vacuum today… and write more inflammatory blog posts.

  2. The first guy is probably a bit on the tubby side, guy #2 looks dazed and confused, and grandpa rounding out the trio, you could easily outrun all of them :)

  3. I could outrun 'em all, I'm sure, but Danny (or Stan) probably has young teen-aged boys that he hasn't kicked off his compound yet to catch up and detain women until he can hobble to the place and do his business.

    In seriousness, I'm confident that if there was ever a Daniel (or Stanley) Kretchmer, he no longer exists. The people here are just strange enough to commit copycat crimes of what they believe were his actual misdeeds. We're only thirty miles away from the spot where Brian David Mitchell broke into Elizabeth Smart's home and kidnapped her. He's now locked up, but Idoubt he's the only one of his kind to live here. The prevailing religion of the region breeds weirdos, in my opinion. Unfortunately, it also has awesome ski slopes, so it's a trade-off.

    I've decided that picture number three represents the REAL Daniel (or Stanley) Kretchmer.