Pink eye, pale flamingo eye, or whatever you call it, it hurts!

I took one of these. cousin gave me five more with the instructions not o take more than one in four hours and not to exceed five in a day. Iwon't exceed recommended dosage because I hoard the hood stuff.

I took one of these puppies.

About two hours ago my eye started to bother me considerably more than it had been hurting before. My first course of action was the logical one: I live in a house with an MD. It made sense to ask him to do something to make the pain more bearable. so I woke up my dad.

He asked when I had last put in the drops that had been prescribed. I told him that it had been about ninety minutes earlier. The drops are supposed to be used every six hours, although the time limit can be pushed just a bit if necessary. Taking them hour-and-one-half hours early, however, is not an acceptable level of "pushing it" My dad told me to take ibuprofen. I told him I'd already taken it. He then told me to take acetaminophen. I told him I didn't think it would be a good idea to take  it because that would limit my access to most oral narcotics, which also contain acetaminophen. Acetaminophen in excessive dosages can be dangerous -- even lethal.  I reminded my father of this. His response was, "You're not getting any narcotics from me for pink eye." I asked him if I could at least have something that might help me sleep. He recommended benadryl.  Sometimes having a doctor for a father - especially one who is unsympathetic to anyone's pain but his own -- is about as useful as having a banker for a father. Sure, he works in a building full of money, but he's not likely to share any of it with you unless he has a peculiar desire to spend time in a lock-up facility.

I ordinarily might appeal to my mother for assistance, but she's dealing with her own agony. She has a ureteral calculus (AKA kidney stone)  that does not want to pass beyond its current juncture in her left ureter, and she's finally drugged to the point that she's feeling no pain nor much of anything else. I doubt she's even conscious. theough her current drug of choice is injected dilaudid, there are oral narcotics in her bathroom. Under ordinary circumstances, they would be under lock and key. Right now, however, there's a bottle of Norco on her bathroom counter. I wouldn't ordinarily even think of helping myself to its contents, but my current circumstances are beyond ordinary. Still, there are ways around this situation other than breaking the law.  I am resourceful enough to come up with a plan that doesn't involve the theft of controlled substances.

My first cll was to my Uncle Steve, who is my primary care physician. My plan was to drive the forty-two miles to his home so that he culd come up with something better than Tylenol or Motrin to get me through the night. he, unfortunately , was opposed to my driving forty miles through fog at this hour with compromised vision. he wanted to talk to my dad, but I told him it would be futile. he disagreed, but decided other plans would work equally well. cousin Peter, who is not really a cousin either to me or to Uncle steve, is in twon for the weekend. He probably isn't carrying a full pharmacy in his cae trunk, but my Uncle Michael, who lives a mere block from me and three blocks from where cousin Peter is staying, probably has no hand what is needed to get me through the night.

After a few texts, my uncle Michale showed up at my house. I left a not in case either of my parents noticed my absence. My uncle Michael used oxbuprocaine or something similar to numb my eye. This is actually a drug that has a high rate of abuse and can be dangerous, but used very infrequently and in small doses shouldn't cause harm. By then, Cousin Peter (cousin to no one present, but that's a subject for another day's blog) showed up at Uncle Michael's house. he asked about my symptoms and what had been used to treat them so far.  He agreed that the conjunctivitis should have improved beyond its present level and warranted a change in medication. He gave me a tub of eye ointment that was stronger than the drops I had used previously.

He also agreed that thirty-six hours without sleep was probably sufficient reason for stronger than over-the-counter relief.  He gave me a 5 mg. hydrocodone/350 mg acetaminophen tablet along with a one-mg. tab  of klonopin. He drove me home and waited around for forty-five minutes to ensure no negative drug reactions. At some point my dad must have noticed the presence of an extra male in the house, because I heard the two of them conversing.  I certainly hope my dad felt like a fool, but I wouldn't know, because I'm falling asleep right now.